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Monthly Archives: November 2011

Second Cousin Florentina from Florence

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As I’ve been immersing myself further and further into the rabbit hole patiently and sanely learning everything I can about fertility, I have been learning a lot of abbreviations and acronyms. I won’t go into all of the ones I’ve learned lately, but one of the more prominent ones is AF for Aunt Flo. Your period. Get it? ‘Cause her name’s Flo?And she’s visiting your…tampon? Anyway. I digress.

I was thinking about my last post, and I have decided to reclaim the name of my period. Why the hell not. Aunt Flo just doesn’t seem to properly describe the way I feel about my period. Aunt Flo is a name you give to an old relative who annoys you, pinches your cheeks, and visits, like, every month. My period is a 23 year old flake who may or may not snort coke on the weekends. She rarely if ever shows, and whenever she does, I find myself in a tizzy. I become the shy junior high school girl with low self esteem who would do anything to be liked by her. “You want to sit on the quad and have lunch? With me? Sure!!!!! You want to play “guess my bra size” and embarrass me in front of two really hot 8th graders??? Sure!!!!!”

I have named my flow, Second Cousin Florentina From Florence (SCFFF). She’s Italian (I have absolutely not one single drop of Italian blood in me, but who’s counting?), tans easily, and is always gesticulating. She does a hair flip beautifully, never stays for long, and kisses you goodbye on both cheeks. Her English is endearingly broken and adorable. You don’t know when you’ll hear from her again, but when you do, she will tear through your shit like a bat out of hell,  leave her hair all over your bathroom, and leave a few empty bottles of wine on the outside patio set you bought at Target because it was on sale. When she visits, you have a mixture of annoyance, relief, and love…it’s an ever so dysfunctional relationship.

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I just broke up with temping

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I’ve decided after nearly 70 days of temping with no period in sight, and no feeling of a period in sight, that temping is making me more depressed than actually knowing whether or not my temp is at 97.2 degrees, or 97.5 degrees this morning (it was 97.5, although I’m sure tomorrow it could be…brace yourself…97.3 degrees.) Temping removes any element of hope or surprise that I get from thinking maybe…just maybe…I could be pregnant. It’s taking the joy of trying away from me (I’m grumbly, sarcastic and sad every time I begrudgingly pee on a stick), and it’s making Hubs sad to have the joy and surprise taken away from him, too. The whole situation is shit.

I had a bit of a break down yesterday about the whole period issue. I’ve been trying so damn hard to be strong and okay with the fact that my cycles have vanished in the night, but every day it feels like I wake up and am face to face with my ovaries pointing and laughing at me. Every girl who gets a regular period gets to flip her hair and be in the popular clique. Is this what I’ve come to? Resentful that 90% of the female population properly bleeds from her vagina every month?

I am taking a bunch of night classes to complete some prerequisites for Nursing school. Last night was my physiology class, and the lesson was? The (Goddamn) Female Menstrual Cycle. Our teacher began lecturing on the 28 day cycle, and how amazing it was that the female body had this built-in system of preparing the body for pregnancy. I teared up. I actually teared up looking at a freaking graph of a luteal phase cycle.

I do not want to be that girl anymore. I want to reintroduce hope into the equation. Rather than curse my period for not coming, I’d like to imagine that she’s away from the office, and not checking emails right now. She’s on a tropical island, enjoying a mai tai and some sun, reading a best seller she bought at the airport. She’ll be back soon.

Facebook Mommy Barf Fest

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No, it doesn’t, actually. It makes you f*cking lucky.

So excuse me while I don’t feel sorry that two of the four kids you had without any hassle or fertility treatments keep you up at night with their non-life threatening runny nose.  And poor widdle you had to hold them while they slept in your arms? Wow. that must really suck to hold babies that you could actually conceive in your arms. All night? You deserve a goddamn medal. I’ll be busy sleeping through the night while the baby that I can’t have sleeps soundly in my non-ovulating ovary.

What was different back then?

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I was jogging today, trying desperately to forget about the fact that I’m nearing CD 70 with no period (BLAH. Screw you, blood), and randomly thought back to the three months during the middle of 2010 before I went on the pill for a year. In those three months, June, July and August, I somehow managed to get my period every month–just a day in the life for a Fertile, but for me, this whole “period every month thing” was akin to seeing my celeb crush Fred Savage at the mall once when I was ten years old: magical, awe inspiring, giddy-making, totally awesome.

I’ve traced my steps back to two things I tried those last few months of pre-pill regularity that, until my jog today, I had somehow managed to completely forget about since I planned a wedding, got married, took 4 night classes, worked 50 hours a week, and moved this past year–you know—the little things.

1. Reiki Healing:  Ok, ok, ok. I know it sounds…crunchy…but hear me out: I am a huge skeptic when it comes to this energy healing stuff, but I did go to one session to try it out in June of 2010. I experienced a really strange reflexive jolt in my body when she was doing her healing hands energy stuff on me…it was enough to make Skeptical Me think that maybe (just maybe) there was an inkling of truth to the whole reiki thing. So maybe it’s worth another go? Or maybe I sound like a total loon. I dunno. For more info on Reiki, click HERE. This is the website of the woman I went to in Los Angeles, and she explains a bit about the thought behind reiki healing.

2. Bentonite Clay:  When I was diagnosed with PCOS, I read that clay baths are incredible for detox/healing, and so I bought a huge tub of high grade bentonite clay, and took one bath a week for about a month during that time that I got regular cycles last year. It’s enough to make me think I should repeat this in the coming weeks. For more info on how to make your own Bentonite Bath, click HERE.

So, these were the two things that I was doing those three months of regularity that I am adding to Operation Get Period this month (more on that in another post). At this point, I can’t even fathom pregnancy…I just want to know I can still ovulate. That would be… totally awesome.

Fred, wasn’t there an episode of Wonder Years where you and Winnie struggled with fertility and the implications it had on your blossoming marriage? No? Hmm. Must have been Saved by the Bell.

I’m a Liebster!

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As if getting to sleep in till 10AM today wasn’t awesome enough, I awoke this morning to discover that I was nominated for a Leibster! Her Royal Fabulousness at Waiting For Little Feet nominated me.  HRF’s journey with PCOS and the candid and poetic way she expresses herself not only provided me comfort as I initially started dealing with this, but has also been the inspiration for me to start writing about my journey.Thanks, Fabulousness.

Leibster Awards are given to bloggers with less than 200 followers who could use a little extra love. (According to Wikipedia, Leibster is the German word for “beloved”).

The Rules are:

  1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
  2. Reveal your top five picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
  3. Post the award on your blog.
  4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere – other bloggers.
  5. And, best of all – have fun and spread the karma.

I am incredibly new to the blogging world, and much to my embarrassment, I don’t know many bloggers with 200 followers or less… yet! Blogger #4 I have been reading for a couple of years (she may have a few more than 200 followers, but I can’t be sure). Over the course of the next few months as I start following more PCOS blogs, I will nominate and post a couple more newbee Leibsters.

1. Mothering Freely: She writes so openly and honestly about being a first time mom.

2. The PCOS Factor: I gained some incredibly helpful information from her regarding the natural ways she combated her PCOS symptoms–and she’s pregnant now! Yay!

3. The Cohen Tribe: She is hilarious, plain and simple. A true PCOS success story when it comes to TTC. She had her son last year, and kept a blog about her journey through PCOS here.

4. Starfish Envy: This woman has been through SO MUCH over the last couple of years trying to get pregnant, and I have followed her daily since her first IUI (It took her 9 failed IUIs, a failed IVF, and then one more successful IUI to get pregnant FINALLY two months ago.) Not to mention she is a brilliant writer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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What a Fertile asks: OMG??!! Where did you get that adorable baby costuuume? ROTFL!!!!!!!!!

What I ask: If I ate this baby turkey, would it help me to ovulate?

All kidding aside, here’s to friends, family, and the inventors of Halloween costumes like these. Here’s to being pregnant next Thanksgiving. Here’s to stuffing my face today and worrying about a fertility diet plan tomorrow.

 

Acupuncture…Good? Or A Scheme to drain me of $95/session?

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So, I’m having second thoughts about acupuncture. I feel like it *can* work…but I also feel quite skeptical now that I’m being asked to shell out $95 2 times a week until I get my period. That’s almost $200 a WEEK! I canceled my appointment today as I was realizing that I’d better be really really sure what I am getting into.

The more I research PCOS the more I also realize that some of the advice that my acupuncturist gave me about eating right for fertility does not apply to me, and could actually be really detrimental to my cysts. This leads me to question her knowledge in general. For example: She recommended I eat lots and lots of red meat. Although I wouldn’t have known this if I hadn’t been obsessively calmly researching things that aggrivate PCOS, meat produces an acidic environment in our bodies. This acidic environment causes CYSTS. Normal Fertiles may be able to eat tons of meat and process the acidity differently, but for me, red meat is not good. An acidic environment is also what causes YEAST INFECTIONS–something else that us PCOS-ers are also very prone to, given that our bodies are prone to being acidic.  I feel like this acupuncturist may not know as much about PCOS treatment as she claims…I’m edgy. Nervous. Indecisive.

My next step is to make an appointment with my ObGyn to get another blood work up for all of my hormones so I know exactly what I’m dealing with. I got one over a year ago before I started the birth control pill, and my estrogen was very low. Progesterone was normal, and FSH/LH was at a 2:1 ratio (another classic symptom of PCOS.) I had mild insulin resistance, and so I have since been attempting a low GI diet, although my seriousness on that will ramp up after Thanksgiving (I cannot stomach the thought of giving up the blessed, blessed stuffing, pies, and basically anything that will send me in to a diabetic coma. Fertility be damned!! ).My testosterone levels, although in the normal range, were also skewing high, leading me to believe that I need to do something to lower my androgen levels–which may subsequently lower the number of chin hairs I pluck on a daily basis. I will do a post on natural remedies for lowering androgen levels soon.