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Alcohol

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Wine. Beer. Vodka. Mixers. Martinis. Margaritas. Daquiris. Tequila shots. Scotch.

If it’s alcoholic, I’ve probably tried it. And…frankly…I’ve probably liked it.

At the risk of this turning into some sort of 12 Step blog, I have been noticing how hard it’s been for me in the last couple of months since TTC to stop drinking completely. Everything I’ve read about PCOS has said that drinking can be very hard on your hormone levels, and that it increases testosterone levels in the body which can mess up ovulation (judging by my chin hairs and blood tests, I already have more than enough testosterone thankyouverymuch). Yet even armed with this information, I find that I haven’t been able to go more than a week without caving and having a glass or two of wine at dinner. I had two glasses on Saturday at dinner with my grandparents, and a couple of glasses out with friends during last week. The difficulty I’m having with quitting drinking is scaring me. Am I THAT dependent on alcohol? Why is it so hard for me to go without it?

I don’t want to speak for anyone else out here, but for me, alcohol is a way I can get the repetitive thoughts to stop hamster wheeling it through my brain. With PCOS and the fear of infertility, alcohol subdues those thoughts and allows me to relax. It’s a way for Socially Awkward Me to chill out at parties. It’s a way that I calm down after a bad day at work. It’s a way I connect with friends…It all sounds very sad to admit, but alcohol has been a crutch for me for a long time.

With the holidays here, the levels of drinking amongst friends and family escalate. I’ve already been to two parties without alcohol, and I felt awkward making small talk. The thought of New Year’s Eve without being buzzed feels wrong…I wish that I didn’t identify joy and festivities with feeling buzzed.

Anyhow. I hope no one judges me for feeling like I’ll miss alcohol terribly if I can’t have it to fall back on…I have re-read this post, and feel a bit pathetic. But I also know that in the realm of TTC, alcohol (and the lack thereof) has been something I’ve been trying to quietly deal with for months now. I can’t promise I will be perfect, but I guess this entry is my way of putting it out there that this is something I’ve been struggling with for a while, and I’m going to be stepping up my efforts to stop drinking completely.

If you see me at a New Year’s Eve party, I’ll be the one awkwardly standing in the corner with an O’Doule’s.

 

 

 

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

6 responses »

  1. It is so interesting – I have NEVER thought of you as socially awkward, ever! πŸ™‚ Listen, you are being so, so careful about food and I think that is great. But, don’t make yourself nuts. Chances are, a glass of wine or two is not going to make a dramatic impact on your PCOS. Overall healthy habits are way more important. When I first started TTCing I made myself crazy thinking about every bite and sip. But, I just don’t think the anxiety is worth it.

    It is hard to completely cup out any specific food or drink, if it is a normal part of your life. I for one never successfully managed to cut alcohol for more than a few weeks. With IVF I will have to, but I probably won’t feel much like partying then anyway πŸ™‚

    Anyway, my point is, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Hang in there.

    Reply
    • Thanks, HRF. I guess you never knew me to be awkward because I was always drunk. Hehe. Well, maybe not always πŸ™‚ I agree with the “lighten up” advice. I’m going to try and minimize the drinking, but I’m not going to put myself through hell if I have a glass of wine.

      Reply
  2. I hear ya. We already have so many restrictions with the PCOS and one of the few things that helps quiet our minds we aren’t supposed to have. Ugh. I usually drink depending on what time of my cycle it is. If it’s during CD 1-10 or so, I indulge. After day 10 I abstain until AF shows up.

    Reply
    • Yep. I was planning on doing the whole indulge from CD 1-10 thing, but my period has decided to pull a disappearing act without a pregnancy to warrant it. This shit is so frustrating!

      Reply
  3. Here to encourage you: a drink here or there while TTC isn’t going to hurt you. I am in the “alcohol makes the hampster wheel stop” camp with you, especially when we cross from 11:59 pm to 12:00 am.

    That said, only you know your body. If you think drinking is a problem for you, explore those thoughts and feelings and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

    Reply
  4. I know how you feel! It was like I was reading my own blog!

    Reply

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