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Sweet insomnia…how I’ve missed you…

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For the better part of my adult life, I have battled insomnia. It’s a vicious cycle of waking up multiple times during the night (usually between 12 and 3AM), falling back to sleep around 5AM, just in time to drag myself out of bed around 7AM to get ready for work.  The lack of consistent sleep at night makes me exhausted and ready for bed around 9PM (real fun for Hubs!).

For the last few months, I was doing great with insomnia. I had quit caffeine and immediately began to notice an improvement in my sleep. Mystery solved! However, over the last week or so, the insomnia has crept back in. I had wine last night…so maybe alcohol did it? But there have been nights this week I haven’t slept where there was no alcohol at all. I’m thinking it might be the Provera. I’ve been having some cramping, headaches, night sweats and general lethargy on these pills. I’ve also been feeling a little bit like this guy:

You know the feeling? It’s like my brain has been left in a case of frosted glass. I try to smudge the glass so I can see clearly, but it just fogs up again. Everything is dampened and muted. Cracking a smile feels like an exercise in fakeness. I snapped at Hubs yesterday because he didn’t want to make dinner reservations for our two-day trip to Palm Springs next week and instead preferred to keep things looser on the trip. You would have thought that he had just told me he wanted a divorce.

I believe that I have always had mild to moderate depression. I have never been on medication for it, but sometimes I wish I could pop a pill now and then that makes me feel like this:

I have read about PCOS and depression being linked (there was a great article I read on Soul Cysters about PCOS, depression, and slightly elevated testosterone levels that really hit home). Or, perhaps my malaise the last few days has been due to the Provera…? Dunno. All I know is, this sucks…and the big question is: what infomercial should I watch? Slap Chop, or Proactiv?

About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

5 responses »

  1. Thanks for linking to that article! I’ve always wondered if I have actual mild depression or if my hormones just cause crazy mood fluctuations during my cycle.

  2. Sorry to hear your insomnia is back. 😦 Hopefully it’s temporary. I just wanted to share that I also quit caffeine a few months ago and have also slept immensely better and am even less tired during the day…weird, right? I’ll never go back to coffee again!

    If you do find yourself up in the middle of the night watching the Slap Chop commercial, you should check out this parody of that commercial. At least, when you do watch the real one, it’s suddenly much much funnier.

    Hope it makes you LOL:

  3. I’ve suffered from depression on and off since high school. I also have PCOS. Interesting. Though I’m sure my blues lately is a result of AF getting closer and closer, and its the holidays. What a nice combo. Hope you feel better soon.

  4. I have struggled with depression since I was about 12 and went on meds in my teens. My sister told me a long time ago that some think PCOS and depression are linked – she and I are both certainly proof of that. But, of course, doctors poo poo it. Who knows? Most of my family has depression, so there is also a genetic component, I am positive of that.

    I never knew we had so much in common! I am a bad insomniac too, but my meds ALSO help with that as a bonus. But, I will say that anti-depression meds are not an instant fix, like many people think. They take time and work best with talk therapy. Additionally, the meds don’t make me happy, they just help me deal in a more healthy way with the emotions I am feeling. They make me more able to handle bumps without retreating to my bed, sobbing, or drinking too much. Just FYI 🙂

    By the way, I vote for Slap Chop! 🙂


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