I went into last night’s yoga class with high hopes which slowly dwindled as I saw the 65 and 70 year olds shuffling into my class. The yoga class I chose was “Restorative” which was described on the website as a way to “stretch and relax”…but I thought we’d, you know, actually be doing yoga? Instead, for an hour and a half, we went through 4 “poses” (I use that term loosely). We had support blocks and heavy padding so as not to “hurt our hips and joints” so the entire class felt like some long, boring, drawn out version of tying my shoe. Please see above mention of the 70 year olds in my class.
At the beginning of class, our yoga instructor asked if there were any injuries she should be aware of. A slew of hands went up about slipped discs, aches and pains. She added as a legal precaution, I’m sure, “Is there anyone here who is pregnant?” to which many of them chuckled as if that was the silliest question in the world–I would say 80-90% of the class was in menopause. Christ! What is it with me and menopause these days? I feel like it’s following me around like an incurable STD.
The entire class, my mind was on a spinning wheel as I thought about the $17 I had blown basically sitting with my legs up a wall and lying flat on my back motionless with 70 year olds. The teacher barely led the class (she was probably as bored to tears as I was), so things were eerily quiet during all of the extended pose/stretch holding. Jesus, Lady. You could have at least done some guided meditation or something.
Someone farted silently but deadly during meditation.
So no…I will not be returning to Yoga Blend’s Restorative Yoga class any time soon. On to the next! Stay tuned.