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Forest, meet trees.

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Does anyone else feel like sometimes, when you’re so immersed in the nitty gritty of all of the science of TTC, you forget that the outcome of all of this is an actual human being? It’s hard for me to think beyond cysts, hormones, ovulation, Metformin pills, basal body temperature and sperm. It just dawned on me today that a baby comes out of this process. An actual human with legs and arms…in my stomach.

Not that I’m not excited by this thought….it’s just something that I sometimes forget about from time to time as I go through the constant obsessive thoughts about why my ovaries have decided not to ovulate. It’s as if by constantly looking at things under this microscopic lens, I loose sight of the bigger picture…I envy those mothers around me who never had to give conception a second thought. No worry or care entered their mind about the exact moment their egg was released and when they were timing intercourse.  Instead, they get to throw back a few drinks one night for some St. Patty’s Day party at a crappy dive bar, sloppily boink their husband (or boyfriend. Or fuck buddy. Or whatever) later that night, and a couple of months later realize that oops! They’re pregnant.

I feel so jealous that these women can see the forest, and don’t have to spend all day looking at a tree (or in my case, the vein of a leaf on one tree in a really really big forest). They see the baby–they don’t see the sperm and egg. I’m so tired of thinking about eggs and sperm…I want to think about fingers and toes, and really soft, sweet smelling baby hair. I want to think of my body not as a collection of ovaries, uterine lining, and fallopian tubes, but simply as the body of a mother. “Mother” is the sum of all of my parts…and that is who I want to be.

The picture above is an electron microscope image of a heliotrope leaf. If you’re anything like me, you’d swear it was sperm attacking an egg. We see what we want to see!

 

 

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

5 responses »

  1. I love, love love this post. I totally feel the same way and often find myself praying for an “oops!” But alas, if we’re stuck in a forest captivated by the trees, we should at least start looking for some flowers and wildlife. Ha ha!

    Great picture too! It totally looks like baby-makin’-magic!

    Reply
  2. I saw a pic of a baby with a freshly cut umbilical cord the other day and was hit with these exact thoughts.

    And that picture definitely looks like sperm meets egg.

    Reply
  3. It is so easy to lose track of what is the goal, when you are in the thick of it. Big hugs lady.

    Reply
  4. YES, I often lose sight of the fact that I’m trying to get an actual human being out of this. It’s hard when you have so much medical stuff going on at the same time.

    The heliotrope leaf pic looks so much like sperm & eggs! Hilarious.

    Reply
  5. Pingback: My war against candida « Cease And Decyst

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