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Well, that was a trip.

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As if my job somehow thought that my blogging about fertility needed to take a backseat to actually working, I was scheduled on a last minute 4 day trip to Toronto this week/weekend. I just returned, but holy SHIT the last 4 days were busy.

I left the 80 degree weather we’re having in LA right now to get plunged into 20 degree madness for a bit. Readers who actually experience winter and get sick of it, feel free to hurl stuff at me right now, because I found that I enjoyed the wintry Toronto weather and cold toes. Mind you, I am not going to bitch about the fact that I was sweating as I deplaned back in LA today and fumbled around for my sunglasses.

In a somewhat randomly annoying coincidence, I was asked by no fewer than 4 or 5 of my colleagues this trip when I was going to plan on having a baby. One was my boss who is a raging alcoholic and yet still easily managed to pump out two kids. One other woman started at 22, and has 4 kids now. I was able to laugh off the questions with them, and just shrug and say coyly, “I don’t know…” but it stung to be asked. WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE ASK???

The final straw was when a male colleague of mine asked me about the kids thing (he has 3 kids. Each was conceived the first month they “tried”). We were waiting for a group to show up to dinner, and there was no one else around, so I thought I would try responding differently than my normal shrug and laugh off the question.  I don’t know if it was because I was fed up about being asked multiple times, or if I felt like I could trust him, but I said, “You know, my husband and I have been trying for 7 months, but unfortunately I’m not ovulating, and we’re having some problems.” My honesty stunned him a bit, I think, and I could see that he was embarrassed he’d even asked. His first response was, “Oh.” but then, he did something sort of surprising… he said something kind of oddly sweet (well, odd for him, because he can be a bit gruff sometimes). He said, “Well. I know you, and I know that you will make a great mom. I’m sorry that you’re going through this right now.” And that was it. I said, “Thanks. Frank.” and then we moved on to happier conversations. It wasn’t so bad.

Sometimes, I think that guys are more able to process things and move on–and for that, I’m very grateful that Frank didn’t start in on a whole fertility conversation with me.

But I still can’t help but wish that people who have never had to struggle with fertility could understand the level of complete insensitivity and obliviousness that comes across to an infertile when they ask us a “so, when are you going to pop out a kid” question. I know that it’s impossible for them to know what kind of struggle I’ve been going through, but do they SERIOUSLY not think that this is an issue people struggle with every day? Are they THAT ignorant? And most importantly, am I just encouraging their ignorance by smiling and shrugging vs addressing the issue truthfully? “I’ve been trying. For months. I don’t ovulate or get my period. Any questions I can answer for you about this?”

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

3 responses »

  1. Actually, I think they really *don’t* understand. Thinking back to when I was in my early twenties I know I certainly didn’t. (Though I have no idea how old your co-workers are) It’s so frustrating now wondering how other simply can’t understand.
    I’ve started answering honestly – that we aren’t having luck in that department. Maybe I should try being a bit more specific like you were, because that usually leads to a bunch of “it’ll happen when it’s meant to” nonsense. Next time, maybe I’ll just respond “well, my husband has low sperm count and I have a blocked tube and PCOS and basically the only way we can get pregnant is with an IVF”.
    That’ll shut em up. 🙂

    Reply
  2. I always just answer honestly. If they have the audacity to ask, I have the audacity to say we started trying 18 months ago and has a miscarriage in September. You’d be surprised how many people then open up with their own story of a struggle for their kids or a miscarriage story. I’m not embarrassed about any of it so I figure hey, might as well tell them the truth. Either that or they get really embarrassed and I feel like maybe they will quit asking questions that aren’t any of their business!

    Reply

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