Every February, like clockwork, the mockingbirds return to LA. They take up residence in our backyard trees, and make their presence known with their songs.
Their incessant, incessant songs.
Did I mention that these songs happen at 3AM in the morning? It’s some sort of mating call–until they find a mate, the chirping goes on, literally, 24/7. Please pray that the mockingbird outside of our bedroom window gets laid soon.
As annoying as they are, the return of the mockingbirds this year means that is pretty much exactly one year since my husband and I moved into our home together. This time last year, we were both planning and prepping for our wedding. We were unpacking boxes. I think we had a fight about where to hang a picture, which seems so funny and trivial to me now. On one of our first nights in the new house, the mockingbird woke us up with its chirping, and I swore up and down that THIS was why our former owners moved out.
Now, a year later, we’re hearing the mockingbirds return. We understand the chirping is not forever–it lasts about a couple of weeks until they pair up and mate. Hubs and I are married, our boxes are unpacked, and our arguments are now falling more into the health/fertility realm. I hate our fights about fertility…they are lessening lately, but at the beginning, it was a whole horrible process of realizing there was a problem, and then trying to educate Hubs on why I wasn’t getting my period (which felt about as clinical and unsexy as you could get). I was obsessively researching PCOS, and the constant discussions I was having with him about ovaries, cysts, and estrogen were driving him insane. Although I warned him that TTC may not be easy, he optimistically came into it with an attitude that trying would be a magical experience that would result in a pregnancy within 6 months–even if there was a bit of PCOS in the way. It’s been hard for me to slowly see him transform from an optimist to a realist. The reality that pregnancy will not be easy has been very hard for us…especially for Hubs.
We are fumbling around, trying to find our way in all of this…trying to keep sex as exciting as we can, even if there is that annoying mockingbird in the room: I am unable to ovulate. It calls out to us in the middle of the night, wakes us, annoys us, and then quiets down. The intense feelings around TTC come and go, ebb and flow, migrate and return.