In about one hour, I’m meeting up with a casual friend for dinner. Let’s call her Fertile Franny. We’re not close friends, but we enjoyed working together about 4 or 5 years ago, and have kept in touch off and on since then.
We haven’t seen each other since our mutual friend’s baby shower about 4 months ago where she announced that she was 3 months pregnant with #2. When I congratulated her, she said rather loudly in front of everyone, “So? When are you going to get pregnant so all of our kids can be the same age?”
Gee, Fertile Franny! Why didn’t I think of that!? I’ll make sure to take care of that whole pregnancy thing this month!
Did I mention that she got pregnant on her first try with both #1 and #2? Yep. She’s that kind of fertile. The Uber Fertile. It’s rare to come across one in the wild, but when you do, you usually feel like punching them. Unfortunately, no one has schooled these Uber Fertiles in proper protocol around the sub-fertile female population. Many of them live in some sort of la-la land where you actively have to try NOT to get pregnant. They say things like, “Oh, I don’t think we want to try until Sally is out of preschool. We just have so much on our plate…we can’t handle another one so soon…”
Besides being highly annoyed that she asked the dreaded “when will you have kids” question, there’s an added layer of perturbed-ness that she thinks that everyone’s ovaries are overflowing PEZ dispensers and every uterus is a fluffy marshmallow cloud of implantation goodness.
Fear not, readers. I will school her tonight.
I am about 89% sure that she’ll ask me again about when I’m going to get pregnant. Especially if I don’t drink. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth avoiding the booze just so she’ll ask me…in which case, I intend to answer her in this way:
“Actually, Fertile Franny, we’ve been trying for 7 months now, and are having problems that I will likely need medical intervention for. It’s a sensitive subject, so I’d prefer not to talk about when I’ll get pregnant. I’ll be sure to let you know when my situation changes.” Something like that. I’d like to find a way to subtly phrase things so she knows that it’s not cool to ask, and that there are a lot of women who suffer from infertility,blah blah blah …but I’m not sure how to weave that into the conversation without sounding like a total freak.
Our mutual friend (the one who had the baby shower, and now has a 6 week old) may also be joining us for dinner.
On second thought: fuck it. I’m drinking.