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A failed attempt at the Angelina Death Stare

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Spoiler alert! Last night’s dinner was a fertile fiasco. I don’t think I can hang with Fertile Franny anymore.

Our dinner began as many dinners at restaurants do: the waiter came to take our drink orders. New Breastfeeding Mommy and Pregnant Fertile Franny ordered waters. I decided to order water “for now”. I was leaving my options open in case I would like a drink, but truth be told, I just wasn’t feeling boozy.

I made a passing remark on my last post that I should order water at dinner instead of booze as a foil to trap Fertile Franny into mentioning something about whether or not I might be pregnant, or trying to get pregnant. I was half kidding. I didn’t really expect someone to use that as an excuse to bring up pregnancy within 30 seconds…

The next sentence out of Fertile Franny’s mouth after our waters were delivered was, “Well, looks like someone isn’t drinking. Is there something you’d like to tell us?”

This is where it gets shitty, folks.

I took a deep breath, thought of the blog entry I just posted 30 minutes before, and told Fertile Franny and New Mommy pretty much note-for-note what I had said I would say if she asked me if I was pregnant yet. The only thing I didn’t count on was that actually talking about those things aloud as I stared at Fertile Franny’s 8 month pregnant belly would make me tear up.

Fertile Franny looked like a dear in headlights and said, “It’s ok…sometimes it takes a while…” Gee, thanks. She also threw in “My boss had a miscarriage” at some point in my infertility diatribe which I assume was an attempt to let me know she was “down” with us infertiles? I’ve never had a miscarriage, thank God, but listening to her bring up her boss’ miscarriage as if it would be some sort of consolation prize that I wasn’t alone, or that she “gets it” was sickening.

New Mommy (who had some semblance of a clue because it took her 1 year to get pregnant) felt awful and immediately told me we didn’t have to talk about it anymore, but I’m so sick of repressing this shit and acting like there is nothing wrong that I didn’t stop…I just kept babbling about anovulation, PCOS, Clomid, cysts…

I finally pulled myself together, and we were able to move on–if moving on means talking exclusively about new motherhood and how Fertile Franny’s 3 year old son hasn’t been listening in Circle Time at his preschool. Or how Fertile Franny’s son was so well behaved on the plane to Hawaii last month. Or how Fertile Franny’s son doesn’t pick up his toys. Or his shitting patterns. You get the gist….

I’m trying to pull the positives out of this situation, although I don’t see many. I don’t think they’re going to be calling me to hang out any time soon given I’m now the infertile pariah who has awkward crying dinners…but I guess that’s a good thing.  Along with FF’s total obliviousness about infertility, she also has nothing to talk about other than her 3 year old which I find incredibly dull. I honestly don’t think I could ever be a mom who just talked about her kids. Turns out I have very little in common with Fertile Franny.

I just wish I could have held it together at the dinner table a bit better.

Instead, I looked like this:

I’m human, though…and this stuff hurts so bad. I don’t want to put on a happy mask about it anymore. I can’t pitch my voice up two octaves and say everything is fine. Hiding behind the mask every time someone asks when I’m going to have a baby has been making me more and more depressed. There are great friends out there who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with me being emotional about this stuff–and these are the people I need to surround myself with at this time.

I’ll just file this away under Reason # 5,682 why Infertility sucks.

About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

10 responses »

  1. I’m so sorry dinner sucked. I love when you said this: “There are great friends out there who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with me being emotional about this stuff–and these are the people I need to surround myself with at this time.” Totally. FF should not have taken the opportunity to talk about her son for the rest of the dinner.

    I’m really sick of people throwing in stories about people they know with IF/loss. Yep, I know other people with IF/loss, too, so your story isn’t really helpful.

    I totally thought that pic was Megan Fox and not Angelina!

    Hang in there.

  2. Do you ever feel a secret thrill that you’re making them uncomfortable? Because I believe I may have grinned evilly at the “deer in the headlights” visual. I’m so mean.

  3. I’m glad you didn’t clam up and made an effort to educate your fertile friend. We can’t expect others to be sympathetic of our plight if we don’t share and even though she didn’t handle the situation all that well I bet she won’t ask you when you’re having kids anymore!

  4. I freakin LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. I just wish I’d found it earlier. 3 years now dealing with TTC. PCOS has been something I’ve dealt with forever, but took me until I was 32 to get a firm diagnosis for. Now I’m almost 35, and still TTC with no luck thus far. I feel your pain all too well with your FF. A sad fact of life is we all have people like her in our lives, & nothing shields us or prepares us for the invasiveness and mindlessness of other people. You’d think I’d be used to it by now because I’ve lived in the south my whole life where my days are filled with people who think it’s their mission to be all up in your business, but sadly I’m still blindsided by the when are you questions and the oops, we are statements. Life is funny that way. Anyway, your posts are funny, inspiring and SPOT ON! Please keep writing and I’ll keep writing. A life with PCOS is one that should NEVER be lived alone…or with fertiles!

    • I totally meant you keep writing and I’ll keep reading, but you already knew that 😉

    • Awww! Steph, this comment was so sweet. Thank you for reading and commenting. It means so much to hear that we’re all in this together. Keep reading, writing, commenting, venting, and I will do the same! 🙂

  5. Previous poster Katie read my mind on this one. I’m sorry you had a bad time but am super proud of you that you spoke up! I know it’s hard. And I secretly hope you put them in their place!!! And if they do stop calling, then I hope you find solace knowing that you won’t have to deal with them for at least a little while.

    And I’m as appalled as you by women who can talk about nothing but their kids. Um….what about your husband? Or even trashy TV? I mean, I get that your children become a huge part of your life but you’re still the same person, right? All the moms I work with still have hobbies. Maybe we just don’t get it or maybe they really are just crazy….

    Either way, sending you hugs!

  6. You are stronger than me…I can barely talk on the phone with my fertile friends without crying. I have also gotten to the point where I tell people I about my ectopic surgery just to make them think twice about nonchalantly asking other people if they have kids….like it is not a big deal to some people.
    Keep your head up….you are not alone! xoxo

  7. Pingback: My 100th Post « Cease And Decyst

  8. Pingback: Fertile Franny Had her baby « Cease And Decyst

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