I did a post recently about how Hubs and I met, but what I didn’t really get into was all of the random and sometimes hilarious one liners he spews every now and again. There have been enough of them for me to start putting together a quote book of classic gems of his.
Take last night for example.
I have been feeling really gassy and bloated at night lately, which I attribute to this new diet I’m on, and my body most likely freaking out from all of the vegetables I’ve been eating. As some of you may remember, I have an extreme aversion to farting in front of anyone–including Hubs–which makes the copious gas running through my intestines very inconvenient. Yes, I know it’s natural to fart. Yes, I know that couples who fart together on the couch share glorious laughs and high fives…I just cannot seem to get over this block. Hubs has heard me fart exactly twice in our two years together. Exactly zero of those times were premeditated by me, and when they happened, I got beet red and buried my head in a pillow, even though Hubs was laughing hysterically.
So last night we were cuddling in bed, and Hubs said something funny. Between the gas and the laughs, next thing you know, I farted. Only it wasn’t a loud fart. It was a dreaded SBD.
Both of our heads were above the covers, so I thought I might be in the clear. About 10 seconds later, Hubs gives an audible sniff.
Hubs: Did you fart?
Hubs: (laughing and choking simultaneously) UGGHHHHH!!!!!! GROSS!!!! It smells like I just got punched in the face with a fart glove!!!!
This, my friends. THIS is why I don’t fart in front of my husband.