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I blame the lentils

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I did a post recently about how Hubs and I met, but what I didn’t really get into was all of the random and sometimes hilarious one liners he spews every now and again. There have been enough of them for me to start putting together a quote book of classic gems of his.

Take last night for example.

I have been feeling really gassy and bloated at night lately, which I attribute to this new diet I’m on, and my body most likely freaking out from all of the vegetables I’ve been eating.  As some of you may remember, I have an extreme aversion to farting in front of anyone–including Hubs–which makes the copious gas running through my intestines very inconvenient. Yes, I know it’s natural to fart. Yes, I know that couples who fart together on the couch share glorious laughs and high fives…I just cannot seem to get over this block. Hubs has heard me fart exactly twice in our two years together. Exactly zero of those times were premeditated by me, and when they happened, I got beet red and buried my head in a pillow, even though Hubs was laughing hysterically.

So last night we were cuddling in bed, and Hubs said something funny. Between the gas and the laughs, next thing you know, I farted. Only it wasn’t a loud fart. It was a dreaded SBD.

Both of our heads were above the covers, so I thought I might be in the clear. About 10 seconds later, Hubs gives an audible sniff.

Hubs: Did you fart?

Long pause.

Me: Yes.

Hubs: (laughing and choking simultaneously) UGGHHHHH!!!!!! GROSS!!!! It smells like I just got punched in the face with a fart glove!!!!

This, my friends. THIS is why I don’t fart in front of my husband.


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

6 responses »

  1. OMG you are too funny! ROTFL !

  2. You dutch-ovened yourself and your husband!!!!!!! HAHA! That is hilarious.

    My husband and I have a farting game where whoever farts has to say “safety,” and if the farter forgets to say safety then the smeller gets to punch the farter in the arm. Since getting pregnant I can barely have a conversation with all the “safety”s. Ha!

    I don’t know when I started to feel comfortable farting in front of my husband but he is one of two people I fart in front of (the other is my sister in law because she farts more than I do, and always makes faces when she does haha, also she lived with us for 6 weeks so I had to fart at some point). One day you will feel comfortable farting in front of him, jokes and all!

  3. I have had my fart gloves on and have been pounding my husband with noxious fumes lately. It’s glorious.

    We are kind of a farting family, although my mom is a little more like you with her farting. It happens so rarely my sister will text me “Mom farted!” any time she lets one escape. And of course I laugh uproariously every time I get one of those texts.

    My dad pulls no punches, and dad farts are the worst. And my brother and dad have identical farts. They sound the same and smell the same. Yuck.

    How can something so gross be so funny?

  4. As someone who loves lentils and other legumes, the only thing I can think to recommend is another bedroom! I spent the first few years never farting in front of BG, but at some point I caved. (He is absolutely the only one though. I’d be mortified to do it in front of anyone else.)


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