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I feel weird.

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Ok, forget what I said about the no spotting yesterday. Spotting continues today. This is starting to feel more like a “period”–except it’s a period one gets when they haven’t ovulated, but the body needs to purge. Kind of makes me unnerved,  but hell, it’s the weekend. Time to relax, stop obsessing, booze it up, eat some sugar and cheese…oh wait a minute. Can’t do that, either. Damn.

Instead, I will eat olives, carrots, gluten free muffins, and stare obsessively at my pantyliner.

I hate the word “panty”.

I’m in a weird mood today. Work was crappy (I had to be not so nice in a meeting, and I’m usually overly nice, so I feel doubly bad any time I say something that indicates I’m pissed off).  I also realized today that for the last oh, I dunno, 250 days, I’ve thought about my ovaries, vaginal fluids, and uterus every single day, multiple times per day. What must it be like to never really give those organs a thought? It feels crushing to me sometimes to think that I will never stop this cycle of constantly thinking about my reproductive organs.How do I stop? To stop feels like I have given up.

I just want one really really crazy bitch ass lie in bed moaning with blood everywhere period. My body is craving that right now. It’s hard to explain…I know it sounds weird…but this is my one wish this Friday the 13th. I want a period that knocks me on my ass and hits an official RESET button.

Happy weekend, party peeps! I’ll be here in rainy LA praying for cramps and menstrual fluid.

****UPDATE!!!!!***** Mayday. Mayday. Seriously? Seriously. I post this entry, and not an hour later, I have blood. ACTUAL BLOOD, PEOPLE!!!! This has not happened for me since (I shit you not) September of 2011!! Looks like SCFF has shown up on my doorstep, bags and all. Please, make yourself at home in my tampon, SCFF. TAMPON! I need a tampon!! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

8 responses »

  1. I hope you get a kick-ass period this weekend!? It sounds like one is on its way.

    Thinking and talking and writing about IF everyday is overwhelming at times, but I’m not sure of another way. It’s part of the reason I find this community so helpful. Here I’m not solely focused on my issues (I get to think about your reproductive organs too!)

    Have a good weekend!

    Reply
    • Haha! You’re absolutely right. I never thought about it that way before, but YES–I do think about lots of other people’s repro organs through the blogging circuits we travel in. I do like this community. Thanks for the cheer up comment 🙂

      Reply
  2. I CANT STAND the word panty either!

    Just wanted to say hi, I just started to read you blog today (found it through Waiting for Fertile Feet). I have been considering starting a blog for a LONG time, and your ability to incorporate humor into the process of trying to get pregnant with PCOS inspired me to finally pull the trigger. If you are interested in hearing yet another journey through this insane process feel free to check it out at infertilesanonymous.wordress.com

    Thanks for the inspiriation!
    pcosbarreness

    Reply
    • Holy crap! This comment was so awesome! I’m really happy that my writing could inspire you to write, too. It really is a cathartic way to get everything out and try and deal with the complex emotions involved in dealing with all this. I will check out your blog!

      Reply
  3. Yay! Maybe the diet is actually working…or maybe your body was just ready to give up on the longest cycle known to man 😉 Good luck on a brand new CD1 and here’s hoping for some actual ovulation!!!!

    Reply
  4. Yay!! It’s crazy how exciting it can be to see your body doing what it’s supposed to do!!!!!

    Reply
  5. “Instead, I will eat olives, carrots, gluten free muffins, and stare obsessively at my pantyliner.”

    ^ That made me lol. So glad that your reproductive organs are cooperating! I wish you lots of lying in bed moaning this weekend. Here’s hoping SCFF doesn’t kick your ass too bad, but just bad enough.

    Reply
  6. How did your weekend turn out? CD1, by chance? I’m not sure what kind if music you’re into, but I hope you caught some Coachella on YouTube to keep you somewhat distracted. That totally helped the beginning of my 2WW! 😉

    Reply

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