Well, after heading pleasantly into the weekend with an official CD 1, I am now dragging my feet back to work today. I feel like this weekend was the classic: too much to do, too little time, where-the-hell-did my-weekend-go? kind of weekend.
Since the period I got was anovulatory, the bleeding has mostly been thick and dark brown–not my “classic” flow, but at this point, I’m not being picky. Although I only had one day of “real” blood I’m not going to get down on myself about that.
I keep having to remind myself…baby steps.
As I wind my way through the maze that is infertility, I realize that it can take months and months of bad news, no progress, and frustration to hit on just one rainbow. But when that rainbow finally hits, it’s a really good feeling. The shit eating grin on my face on Friday as I wiped blood from my vag and held the tissue paper in the air for no one but me to see is living proof that I hit a small but important “rainbow” in this whole TTC mess. It gave me some hope, dammnit.
I know that getting a random, non ovulatory bleed wouldn’t be something that someone would normally write home about, but for me, it provided a sliver of hope that somehow, things might turn out all right. It signified to me that maybe somewhere in all of the trillions of cells and molecules of my body, something is waking up. Something is responding. Something is thanking me for eliminating some substances that were making my body pissed off.
Next step: How to get my ovaries to start ovulating again.
Unfortunately for me and my relationship with bread, alcohol, and sugar, I think the answer lies in me sticking to this diet a bit longer.
Never. NEVER. in a million years would I EVER think I would willingly stay on a diet like this. But the truth is: I feel so freaking good physically right now. I feel like my body is just getting warmed up, and I can’t just go back to eating the way I had been pre-diet. I probably won’t be AS strict, but I am definitely going to keep up the diet 90% for the coming months and add in exercise. We’ll see what happens. I’m looking forward to more good surprises.