I couldn’t think of a better way to title this post. My life seems to have gone from zero to shit in a matter of a few weeks…but I think the lesson of it all is that one incident cannot collapse everything. A collapse happens when a foundation isn’t strong.
I have still been following all of you on your journeys, but I must admit that now even reading about happy marriages can sometimes bring me to tears.
I want to be better about blogging…even if it’s just to get my feelings out, and keep writing. However, I will not be blogging about TTC. Hubs and I have agreed that we are not trying anymore until we see a counselor and attempt to sort out what is going on with us–and whether or not it can all be sorted. Yes, we’re so enlightened, yes, we’re cautious, no we don’t want to bring a baby into our lives with our marriage the way it is, yes, we’re so wise and conscientious, and all of this and that CRAP and BULLSHIT. We’re so fucking great we are electing not to procreate. We are responsible fucking people. We are both fucking sad. Sad, sad, sad childless sacks.
My heart is too full. It’s too jolted. I have been drinking, neglecting my diet, and basically throwing the finger to the sky, wallowing in self pity, fear, rage. I’m sorry this entry sounds so bleak, but it’s the truth.
I thought IF was tough. It is…but it turns out that a house of cards that is falling around you is tougher.
I am angry, and I am sad. How’s that for some kindergarten adjectives?