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Marriage Counseling in T-minus 4 hours.

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I have been purposely not writing too much about my marriage right now…I need a chance to let things calm down a bit, and get my head screwed on straight. Hubs and I have a ton of shit to work on, but we’re taking the first step today and seeing a marriage counselor. The woman we’re seeing is covered by insurance, and seems like she has pretty good credentials (25 years in practice), so I’m hoping we can make some headway there over the next few months. Sorry to be so vague…I’m just needing to let things simmer and percolate here like a finely mulled wine, or a really gross banana that I accidentally left in my back pack for 3 weeks. Whichever.

With baby making on hold, I’ve been able to psychologically let loose on the restrictions I’ve been putting myself under lately, and goddamnit, it feels fucking great. Rather than beat myself up and curse myself for failing to maintain pristine health for my future as-yet non conceived child, I simply say, “Meh.” Turns out, this month, I love eating pasta (sometimes). I heart wine. I adore my morning coffee once again (with hazelnut flavored coconut milk this time around, which is supremely delicious). I am adhering pretty strictly to the no milk or cheese thing, but even that was fudged a bit a few days ago when I made some fan-fucking-tastic orzo with vegetables, sprinkled with parmesean cheese.Β  I also find this new me is cursing a lot, and saying “whatevs” or “fuck it.” It’s pretty great. Through it all, I’m still managing the green drink, and lots more veggies than I usually eat, but gluten/egg/sugar/milk free muffins are not in the cards for me this month. Nope. Fuck it.

In other news, (stop the presses!) I’m starting to work out again. My arms and legs felt like they were beaten with a meat pounder this morning, but it feels good to get moving again. And by moving, I mean, doing an exercise routine that has me collapsed on the floor groaning like I’m in a birthing tub. I tend to go full on pain mode when I exercise. I made Hubs take a “before” pic of me, in case I’m able to make it through the entire Insanity DVD program I’m attempting to do over the next 8 weeks. Watch the video of the program on the website, and weep for me. I will not profess to say that I will be able to complete this program, but damnit, I’m going to try with every ounce of my jiggly body.

If anyone else is of the mind to take a “fuck it” hall pass this month on TTC, please do let us know what your “fuck it” plans might be!


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

14 responses »

  1. Oh good! Glad to hear about your “meh,” “Whatevs” and “fuck it” attitude. I really think the marriage counseling will help you guys and, again, i’m glad you both want to work on things. Have fun with Insanity! I did it a year or two ago and all I can say is to not feel bad about taking breaks! Even the people in the video take a lot of them. πŸ™‚

    • Did you get through the whole thing?? I’m seriously doubting I can finish a full week of it.

      • a few weeks lol. i took a day off here and there but i did it for awhile. the only reason i didn’t finish was because of time. i just don’t have that kind of time. i did do two months of p90 though! lmk how it goes! πŸ™‚

  2. I love it! This is the time to take care of yourself first. You can worry about your to-be-conceived children when you’re ready.

    I hope the counceling goes well today. I hope it’s a good fit for you both, and please don’t apologize for being vague. This is *your* space. Write about what you want! We’ll still be along for the ride.

    Oh, and I don’t plan to stop swearing now or later. Does that make me a terrible parent?

  3. I think “fuck it” sometimes is just fine πŸ™‚ I hope the counseling session goes well, it might be rough but if you get a good feelings from the therapist then I hope you both can keep working with her (I hate therapist-shopping!)

  4. So glad you have found a way to see some sort of silver lining in all this. Dare I say you sound pretty….happy? You know, marriage stuff aside. Good luck with counseling tonight and remember that if you don’t like the lady you can always find someone who is a better fit. You don’t have to stick with her. But I really hope you like her and you and Hubs can start peeling away at your issues.

  5. Good luck with the counselling. I really hope it goes well and that you both click with your therapist.

    I’ll join you in saying “fuck it” this month. Last month I made the unilateral decision that we would be taking a break from ttc (my husband was ok with that decision). The stress levels just got to be too high and we were constantly bickering. Things are much better now that we’re taking time to focus just on us. So, my “fuck it” plans are (in no particulare order): drink caffeinated coffee whenever I want; have sex when I want to, not when I have to; drink wine (or beer or margaritas) whenever I want; take a long-ass road trip from Canada to Texas.

  6. Yay for fuck it!!! πŸ™‚
    Hope your counseling session goes well.

  7. This month I will be mostly drinking buckets of tea at regular intervals, fooling about with my husband whenever we feel like it and going out for my friends birthday to eat Mexican food and drink margaritas. I might even dance a little in a crowded, sweaty club.

  8. No Fuck It plans here, but I will pipe in to say that the only thing that a PCOS diet did for me was change my poop. I can tell when I am eating a lot of bad carbs. However, since March I’ve been working out more than I have since starting grad school and I am starting to see a difference with the PCOS symptoms, namely my PCOS acne. That’s fucking exciting. It is so exciting for me that I might make an entire blog post about it.

    • Hell’s yeah it’s fucking exciting! Your positive results from exercising gives me hopes for some of my PCOS related symptoms (namely, chin hair, belly pudge, and craptastic ovaries.)


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