In the spectrum between “Domestic Goddess” and “Slovenly Wife Acting Like a Single 22 Year Old”, I probably rank about 70/30–Most days I like to keep a relatively clean home, I do laundry on a regular basis, I make things nice for company, but sometimes I create messy piles on the floor of the bedroom and eat mac and cheese from the pot. These slovenly times are usually times when my depression gets the best of me, and I decide that rather than pick myself up by the boot straps I would prefer to self destruct with greasy food, alcohol, or cigarettes. It’s extremely healthy and (re)productive.
A couple months ago I was ranking pretty low on the “healthy habits” scale. Hubs and I were dealing with some pretty heavy relationship crizap, and my work load was also complete shit. My “healthy habits” fell somewhere between Snookie and post-rehab Lindsay Lohan on a good day. Since then, Hubs and I have been working hard to put ourselves and our marriage on the right track. Things are improving there. We’ve been exercising together non stop the last 6 weeks (1 hour a day, 6 days a week for the most part), and I have made an appointment to see a leading endocrinologist in the PCOS realm, which has made me feel more in control over the shit hand I’ve been dealt in the hormone department. Granted, the first appointment he has open is OCTOBER 3, but at least I got in.
Due to my improved mood, the non-jail-time Martha Stewart side of me has kicked in. I’ve been feeling a pull to do more cleaning, decorating and cooking. In the last couple of weeks I have framed and hung pictures, scrubbed our floors, completely furnished my home office (which was an empty room with boxes for over a year. I suck), and we just finally got a dresser for our bedroom that looks amazing. I’m “nesting” without a fertile womb or any ovulatory action to speak of, but goddamnit, I’m getting shit done.
Part of this new barren nesting phase I’m in has been cooking casseroles and large dishes that can feed an army and are good for leftovers. Sunday I made a glorious orzo dish w/ summer veggies. On Monday, I made an AMAZING eggplant lasagna casserole at 9PM–because who DOESN’T love dinner at 10PM. Unfortunately, I found out after I made it that Hubs does not like eggplant. I got really ticked off and offended that he wouldn’t eat my casserole, but then it hit me: it’s not that he doesn’t want to eat my casserole…it’s that I essentially made a casserole for one. Not a family. I think my drive to make casseroles lately has been a drive to make food for a family. Casseroles have a “sit around the dinner table in a big messy family” sort of feel.
So today, I’ll take my Day 3 casserole leftovers to work and pray that one day, the eggplant makes an egg implant. Or something like that.