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I suck at dieting

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My birthday “get out of cardboard tasting food” free day turned into a weekend. I tried as best I could to be “good” about eliminating wheat, dairy, caffeine, etc, but I was hungry, having fun, and just said fuck it. Belle, I’m sorry, but I sucked at this challenge this time around 😦

Here’s the problem(s)

1. I really like to eat wheat products sometimes. Giving them up entirely is completely daunting, and makes me really really sad.

2. I love caffeine, and really enjoy my morning coffee. This is the only time I have caffeine. Not drinking it makes me irritable and sad. I’m sure I could get over it eventually, but damnit, I love looking forward to it in the mornings.

3.When I set these strict guidelines for myself, I mentally abuse myself if I so much as taste some yogurt or cheese based products. This is not a fun way to live and also makes me sad.

Basically, what I’m discovering is that when I completely restrict myself, I end up falling off the wagon even worse than I do if I mentally say that I will allow myself to have a bagel occasionally. Rather than have a couple bites of bagel, I’ll eat 3 of them if I feel restricted. Then comes the remorse, which causes me to eat more bagels.

I hit a wall this weekend where I finally came to some sort of acceptance that changing my diet drastically will not fix everything. It is not the magic solution to my PCOS. If someone told me that I could cure my PCOS completely if I spent the next 2 years eating a strict elimination diet with no exceptions, I honestly don’t think I could do it. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to fix my PCOS badly enough, it just means that I have to think about my quality of life and value that as well. I did not start this journey in this place, but I’m here now. I need medication.

Hubs and I have been doing a lot better, and had a discussion this weekend about dipping our toes into “trying” again. I am going to start on my birth control, get a period, and then see if the BCP helps me to ovulate for the first month I’m off it (I ovulated the first month off BCP the last time). We will try to “catch” the ovulation next month. If that doesn’t happen, it’s back on BCP and then on to Clomid.

During this time, I will try to eat as much gluten free/wheat free/ dairy free/ caffeine free/ alcohol free things, but I will not beat myself up if I slip a bit.

As for the exercise, I am continuing to do this just about every day. The weight loss has been extremely slow, and mostly non-existent which leads me to believe that my metabolism is fucked, I’m getting older, or my insulin resistance is making it much more difficult to loose weight. I’m thinking of getting back on 1,000mg of Metformin just to see if it can help me with the stubborn belly fat that will not go away.

Thus concludes my Monday update!

About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

16 responses »

  1. Oh Sunny. I’m sorry you feel like blah today.
    And I’m not just saying this for sympathy or anything, I’m saying you really do (in my opinion) look fantastic (I was just looking at those photos on Jen’s page!). And the lower you get in your weight loss, the harder it can be. But again, I don’t want that to come off as in dismissing your feelings about how hard it is to lose weight or your frustration with your PCOS, your cycle, etc. That is REAL and you SHOULD have lost weight and your body is being naughty (in the bad child since of the term).
    I know that we are ALL making changes in our lifestyles in an effort to one day have a little child in our lives. It’s not about the bikini 🙂 So Girl, complain all you want. I’ll be your back up dancer like wut wut wassup yea that’s right uh huh yea uhn.
    -okay that was weird-
    I love your idea of just generally eating well but everything in moderation. Even if your week “sucked” it also sounds like you learned a lot about yourself? Eliminate elimination diets!! WOOT!!! Restriction = me feeling cranky = me making cookie dough in 5 minutes and eating 2 cups of it.
    Anyway, I’m cheering for you over here. Sounds like you have a plan!

    • Aww, geez, you really know how to make a gal feel good! I know I’m being a bit hard on myself. It’s mostly my frustration at working out so damn hard and not seeing immediate results. I need to keep pushing and working out–not for weight loss but because it does make me feel great. Thanks lady!!

  2. I am the same way with diets. I now just try my best to eat low carb during the week and then usually splurge on the weekends. I have given up on losing weight while on fertility drugs and am doing low carb mostly for the health/PCOS benefits. Metformin, sadly, does nothing for weight loss for me. Good luck with jumping back into ttc!

    • The “good during the week” philosophy definitely seems more do-able for me! I’m going to go forward into this week with that in mind.

  3. Off topic, but have you heard of pinitol?Different people with PCOS respond best to different things, for many its metformin, for a subset, its Vtaminm D, and I just heard of this (its a version of inositol)– it sounds like it is helpful for a subset of women with PCOS. Will post on this soon.

    • I have not heard of this, but I would love some info! I’m also going to TRY to be better about taking my vitamin D, since my levels were pretty low.

  4. You know, the diet bit is tricky. Especially for those of use that love, love, love good food. I may have mentioned this before, but I’m reading a diet book written for women with PCOS. The author is a nutritionist working in a fertility clinic in Boston, so I feel as if she has a better grasp of the disease and our nutritional restrictions. She recommends that patients stick to a low GI/low carb/low sugar diet 80% of the time. That’s about five meals per week! Hell, yeah! I find it really liberating to give myself just a little bit of leeway to enjoy the things I love. Also, I too thought you already looked great via Jenn’s blog. The superimposed head cracked me up.

    • What is the title of the book you’re reading? I may have to spring for that one, as I would like to hear from a nutritionist who works with infertility. Thanks for the encouragement!

      • It is the PCOS Diet Plan by Wright. She does a good job, and I really appreciate her sample menus. They were super helpful.

  5. I totally missed your birthday post! BAD BLOGGER BELLE! Happy Shamefully Late Birthday. I hope it was fun, delicious and full of love and laughs.

    Don’t beat yourself up over this detox and elimination diet. I don’t know a single person who maintains a perfect diet. I certainly don’t. I allowed myself treats this weekend, too: wine, dark chocolate, oatmeal one morning after too much wine the night before (smoothies DO NOT help a hung over belly!) I am not losing a single pound despite my best efforts, either. It is frustrating and makes it even harder to continue on. I have decided I’m done with scales. As long as my pants are fitting a little better I will know I’m making progress, albeit small amounts. and finally, for the love of God, have a coffee in the morning! I have now been to 5 freaking RE’s and all have said a cup in the morning is fine. We deal with enough BS during this. Let us at least have coffee, too. xoxo!

    • Amen to that, cyster. 🙂 My wine/chocolate intake was not good this weekend… But oh so good at the same time. I’m done beating myself up over this!

  6. Extreme changes in diet is so hard. I believe that we have to give ourselves a break sometimes. Sounds like you are doing the best that you can! I fell off the diet wagon last night too, but today is a new day so I’m back at it!

    • Yes! Thanks for the comments, by the way. For some reason, they were all getting directed to my SPAM, and I just retrieved them today!

  7. I am the same way. I suck at dieting, I am really good at giving up coffee and then starting it again soon after – because, you know what? I love my morning coffee. I really want it. I feel the same way about gluten. So in the end I try to be balanced and call it a day.

    That you’re making all these efforts – even if they’re not always perfect – and not seeing a changes in your body means that something isn’t right. I hope that they find something that works for you soon.

  8. What you described is what the majority of people go through with restriction diets. The only diet that worked for me was one that explained what to do when I cheat – like what the effects on my body are, and how to fix them again once I’ve cheated. Not “if” but “when.” Bucause EVERYBODY cheats on diets. It’s so much pressure. The hope is that you will find a happy middle ground that is comfortable for you while still helping you in some way. 🙂


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