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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Pillow Talk

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OPEN ON: Sunny and Hubs’ Bedroom, 10PM

After a long day battling 2 hours of traffic, temperamental animation creators, a Chemistry night class, and an 85 degree house with no AC, we see Sunny, sprawled out on the unmade bed in a ratty t-shirt she’s had since 2001, and a pair of white granny panties.

In a cruel joke played on her by the universe, Sunny can never tell when she is going to ovulate. Therefore, in the off chance it happens, she and Hubs have been “doing it” for five days straight.

On a scale of one to ten, her horniness meter tonight is at “Eunuch”.

Hubs walks into the bedroom wearing old boxer briefs and nothing more.

Hubs looks at her.

She cracks one eye open and looks at him.

Hubs fist pumps the air, flexes comically, and flops into bed.

SUNNY (deadpan): Hawt.

Both lay next to each other as the ceiling fan whirls.

HUBS: Ready to bring it?

SUNNY (yawns): Yeah…I guess…

HUBS (also deadpan): Yippee.

Pause.

SUNNY: And this, little Jimmie? This is story of the night you were conceived…

END SCENE.

 

 

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The silver (uterine) lining

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In an uncharacteristically optimistic post, I have decided that I’m not going to wallow over this Clomid cycle. Maybe it’s the fact that although I may not be ovulating (YET, damnit, YET), Hubs and I have been having lots of great sex, and my 1500mg of Metformin I’m taking has given me NO loose bowels or adverse side effects this time around. Tomorrow I bump up to 2,000mg, where I’ll stay for 6 months. I’m sure I will have break down moments in the future, but for right now, I’m enjoying the increased excuse to boink this week in case my cystic ball of junk decides to ovulate.

I’m on CD 16 today. Cervix is still low and firm. Mucus is of the standard non watery variety. Temp hovers between 97.3 and 97.6. No spike yet. However, I’m ferning the shit out of my ovulation microscope. The slides have been increasing in fernage from CD10 (absolutely no ferning) until today (lots of good ferns). Supposedly, this means that my estrogen levels are peaking and you know what that means???? Well, in an average woman, it means ovulation is near. In my case, it may just mean my body is whacked. But I am trying to stay positive.

. My ferning slide looked like this this morning:

Purdy.

Metformin tip: Perhaps I’m late to the party on this, but my endocrinologist gave me a “how to” sheet on how to take Metformin. Pills should be taken in the morning with breakfast, and evening with dinner–always with food, and for best results, eat half your food, take the Met, and continue with your meal. This tactic has helped me stomach the Metformin SO MUCH BETTER than the last time around.Right now I take one pill in the morning and 2 in the evening, but I will soon bump it up to 2 and 2 (for a total of 2,000mg)

Inbred ovaries

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Just back from the gyno for my CD12 ultrasound.

Uterine lining: 5mm. In other words, completely uninhabitable at the moment.  It’s better than the 3mm I had last year around this time. And yet, it is still shit. Gyno says it may plump up some more over this week, but it should be around 8mm at least for implantation, and it’s not there yet.

Ovaries: Righty has exactly zero follicles a-brewing. Way to GO Righty! You’re awesome. Go huff some more paint thinner. Lefty (where I was feeling twinges a couple of days ago) has a 7mm “dominant” follicle which is sort of like saying that this dude is ripped:

Lefty also has a bunch of withered ovarian cysts which are about 2mm in diameter (they’re 7mm follicle’s brother cousins).  My gyno sort of stuttered to explain to me that my follicle needs to grow another 10mm before I’m anywhere close to ready to ovulate. His confidence in this cycle was about as underwhelming and pained as the time I lost my virginity. I wish he had been a but more positive about it all, but seeing him stammer some wishy washy “maybe you’ll ovulate” response to try and keep me from getting upset just made things worse.

Back in 1763 when I used to ovulate, it would usually be around CD 18 or so, so I know that things may very well grow and mature this week…but one follicle at 7mm…well…it was disappointing. Really fucking disappointing. I just wanted a vote of confidence on that stupid ultrasound machine. A “hey, Sunny! Wouldja look at that! Things are lookin up for us, kid!” Instead, I got to pay a visit to my two inbred ovaries. Hubs says to keep positive, and that maybe my follicle isn’t done growing yet…I’m so new to this game that I have no idea if there is anything to be optimistic about. I will continue to temp, and monitor stuff but if nothing happens in a week or so, I’m declaring this cycle a bust.

On the positive side (I guess?) Dr. Good Eggs, the endocrinologist called me and let me know that my glucose tolerance test came back completely normal. So, it’s great I don’t have diabetes or insulin resistance, and not so great that I have NO FUCKING CLUE why I’m not ovulating now. He says to keep taking the Metformin, which I will do, but again: FRUSTRATING.

Wishing everyone a happy, 18-22mm weekend.
**UPDATE**

Because my vagina loves to fuck with me (pun intended), a glob of the biggest, ooiest, gooiest booger-like EWCM I have ever seen just exited my vag after my bath. Had I not seen my puny follicle on the screen, I would have thought it was a good sign. Now I’m just annoyed. Someone explain to me why the *f* EWCM exists if there is no way that I am in a fertile window right now.

Are these symptoms?

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It’s been so long since I’ve had anything remotely close to ovulation that I can’t tell if this is me being lame, or if they may be symptoms that Clomid is actually working:

1. Tired. Like, can’t keep my eyes open after lunch. I feel foggy right now, and I’m not sure why.

2. Headache: A dull fog-like headache that has come in the afternoon the last couple of days.

3. Slight weird crampy pinchie feeling on my left ovary side.

4. Still low morning temps, but steadily creeping upward. I was at 97.64 this morning and I have never. Repeat. Never. had temps that high in the  morning except for the months that I’ve eventually ovulated. My post ovulation temps are usually around 97.9 and 98.2.

Other than that, nothing. No EWCM, not even watery CM. I used my ovulation microscope/spit slides today, and I’m still not “ferning”. I was “transitioning” according to the slide–which, for the record, has been exactly the same as every other month I never ovulated. So, no ovulation yet. Hubs and I got in a good ole romp in the hay last night, and will most likely continue the trend every day or every other day for the next week or so to see if we can catch an egg. I have to say that sex last night felt…different. Better. I was more turned on from sex than I’ve been in a long time. When I used to ovulate somewhat consistently, sex often felt that good….sigh. Those were the days.

Tomorrow, the gyno looks at my lady bits and I get to see if this Clomid stuff really works. It will be CD12, which feels a bit early in the cycle for me, but who knows. Maybe we’ll see something a-brewing. My results are in from the glucose tolerance test, but the doc has not called me with them yet. Impatience!

QUESTION: Regarding sex and keeping my husband’s swimmers in my barely functioning vag (every spermie counts!), I’ve heard everything from “legs up in the air” to “roll on your side”, to “hips propped up on two pillows”. Ultimately, I’ve been doing a bit of the legs over my head, butt up on two pillows thing (yes, I look ridiculous), but inevitably, I still leak, and I feel intense waves of remorse as what could be our potential child ends up running down my leg (probably trying to escape…). Also, in terms of positions, Hubs and I are huge fans of missionary–I’m hoping that this is agreeable to conception. Anyone have any tips on how to keep Hub’s DNA locked and loaded in my lady parts? How long do I have to stay laying down? Anyone who is pregnant or has been pregnant know what worked best for them? Also, because I have vag problems, I’m also highly prone to UTIs. How does one reconcile peeing right after sex with keeping Hub’s boys and girls from getting pissed out?

Oh, the body fluid questions never end.

 

 

im down with OGTT

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Oral Glucose Tolerance Tests that is! Currently, I’m in the waiting room of the testing center waiting to draw my last vial of blood (they took a draw at 0,1,2, and 3 hours!) Im quite excited about getting my results back from all of this. Im also excited that Ive finally learned how to blog from my phone!

CD9–I’m back!

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Yes, I know you all were waiting with baited breath for me to return from my travels and be updated with news of my vagina!

The good news is, still no real Clomid side effects that I can tell, aside from a little bit of bloating. Of course, the bloating could be from the 5billion calories I ate on vacation.  Unfortunately, I got a yeast infection from my period (as usual), but lucky me, I had the foresight to bring a Diflucan tab with me on vacation, so that was cleared up within a day.  Take that, yeast.

I guess now it’s just wait and see time?

I have an appointment with the gyno on Friday (CD12) for him to monitor my progress and see if I have anything going on in the ovary department and the uterine lining department. Is there anything else I should ask him to check? Should he do a test on my estrogen levels? I figure I might as well get some tests done as long as I’m there…Don’t know what the usual protocol is–especially if there is no sign of any follicle development.  If I’m going to ovulate, would there usually be something going on on CD12? Will he automatically up my Clomid dose if there isn’t any follicles? Do I have to wait for another period?

I am also getting a fasting glucose test done tomorrow. Unlike the one the gyno did over a year ago, this one will be testing my glucose levels over two hours, and will give my endocrinologist a better idea about what is going on in the insulin resistance department. He’s also checking my free and total testosterone again. I know it’s going to be high…it’s embarrassing to admit, but I am experiencing male pattern baldness on the sides of my head due to elevated androgen/testosterone levels from this goddamn PCOS. It’s not totally noticeable unless I pull my hair back, in which case, you can see the hairline is somewhat receding. Great. The good news is that once I get my baseline glucose test done tomorrow, I can start on the Metformin protocol. My endocrinologist wants me to build up to 2,000mg a day and to take it for 6 months. Pretty hard core, but I’m going to really try to succeed at the Met this time around. I may have pukey bowels, but if I can ovulate, it will be worth it.

 

 

 

CD5–Where the hell are my side effects?

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Okay, okay….I know…I shouldn’t hope and pray for hot flashes and bitchiness, but I seriously feel no different at all after taking these pills for a few days. I want to sweat, rage, bitch, cry, and then ovulate (of course). I wish I had more exciting news to report, but I’m starting to worry that no side effects= 50mg Clomid aint working. I guess we’ll see in a week or so where I’m at, but so far, narry a whisper of bad attitude or hysteria. It could be that I’m on vacation, sleeping in late, and not dealing with work bullshit, but this is weird.

I want to be a bitch, damnit!