Egg-cellent.

It looks like my body may have pulled through for me yesterday…woke up this morning and my temp was 97.80 which is a couple of tenths of degrees above my cover line. I’ll be more relaxed about this if my temp continues to rise tomorrow, but from the looks of things, I ovulated on CD19 this cycle.

So now what?

I guess I’m in my ever glorious 2ww? As some of you gals know from my last cycle, I hate peeing on all the things. HATE it. It has something to do with my extreme sensitivity to any sort of disappointment. I pretty much embody the term “ignorance is bliss” and would rather be blissfully unaware that this cycle failed than know 3 days before my period and have to live with it. It causes me a great deal of anxiety to know that a period is imminent. Goal is to pee on something on 13 dpo if no spotting is happening, and to NOT symptom spot like a maniac before then. If I learned one thing from last cycle, it’s that progesterone symptoms and pregnancy symptoms are sometimes identical. Oh, and fuck you, Dr. Google.

Other than praying to the cystic Gods that inhabit my ovaries every night this week, I have been quite busy/freaked out about the Chemistry class I’m taking this semester in order to finish my nursing school prerequisites (I want to go back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner in women’s health). This class is by far the most difficult I’ve ever taken, and I need to get a decent grade in order to get into a good nursing school program. Much like my annoyance at the 20 year old who sneezes near a penis and gets pregnant and then bitches about it for 9 months, I have found myself generally annoyed with the 22 year olds in my class whose only “job” is to go to school and do well in Chemistry, but bitch about how “stressed” by life and a night class they are. I start muttering things about fertile windows, a full time job that sucks the life out of me, and medical bills, and they look at me with a mixture of pity and relief that they’re not “that old person” yet.

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Improvements

Ahhhh. Antibiotics are working like a charm. I’d like to thank Hubs for taking my sorry urethra to the ER at 2AM, modern medicine for inventing Cipro, and, of course, the Academy. My bladder officially feels better today. And to it, I send this message:

On to even more POSITIVE news…

I finally splurged and bought a non cheapie, and guess what showed up yesterday evening?

This morning I went back to cheapies (because I’m cheap), and my test line was even darker than the control line. Positive without a DOUBT, yo. I’m also getting that low cervical pressure feeling I always get around the day of ovulation. Ovulate little body!!! I’ll forgive the fact that it’s CD 19, just pop a freaking egg already so I can get on with the 2ww. Hubs and I have managed sex on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday of this past week (sore, anyone?). We took off Wednesday and Thursday due to the pee issues. Hopefully the Friday, Saturday and tonight sex will be enough to ensure something will find that little egg of mine if it does decide to release today or tomorrow.

Bullet Point Friday

It’s Bullet Point Friday (BPF, not to be confused with BFP). I’m opting for bullet points mainly because I’m generally annoyed with my lady bits right now and don’t want to spend a lot of time dwelling on a post about them.

• Turns out from subsequent BBT temperature reads (all very low) that I am fairly certain I did not ovulate a couple of days ago as previously thought. My temp must have been up slightly because of the bladder infection. So now if we want to procreate this month, Hubs and I will have to continue our attempts over the next couple of days while my bladder still feels like it’s being pummeled by an angry midget.  To add insult to injury, it’s as if a faucet of EWCM has been activated today. The toilet paper mocks me with it every time I pee (which is like 57 times a day with this fucking UTI) Why make life easy, right? So…now I’m on CD17, hoping ovulation is imminent.
• We’re seeing Book of Mormon tomorrow which gives me great joy.
• I’m out of bullet points. Honestly, I got nothin. Happy weekend, everyone!

UT-I am going to effing punch something

Remember how yesterday I said that Hubs and I were going to have sex a bunch over the next week or so? I believe the term was “do it every night this week until our gentials wither”. Well, perhaps I meant, “Until I get a motherfucking UTI.” After we had sex last night, I felt something was “off”. I waited an obligatory 30 mins to pee, and realized very quickly that the lingering burning was my classic “UTI is a coming symptom”. Two nights ago, I hadn’t peed after sex for a couple of hours, and I’m wondering if that’s what did it? or last night’s session? I’m just so scared to pee after sex because I don’t want to pee everything out, you know?

FUCKKKKKK!

When I felt the burning, I panicked. These stupid mother FUCKING UTI’s are so painful, and they ramp up within hours, so I knew what I would be in store for. Sure enough, 5 hours later, doubled over in pain, Hubs and I were at the ER so I could get some antibiotics. (just an FYI–if you ever need to go to the ER for a UTI, make sure you tell them that you are in extreme pain, and that you found blood in your urine–it’s the only way that many insurances cover an emergency room visit for a UTI. Evidently you have to see blood in order for it to be declared a “true emergency”. Feeling like your urethra and genitals are burning off and screaming on the toilet every time you piss isn’t enough.)

I have taken many different antibiotics for UTI’s and the only one that seems to work is Cipro. I discussed this with the ER doctor, because I have heard it’s not safe during pregnancy, but he said it’s a 3 Day treatment, and that the only studies that have shown adverse effects of Cipro are in fetal bone development (I’m no where near that stage, even if I were to be pregnant this month).

Has anyone had a UTI right during your perfect fertile window time? I believe I ovulated some time yesterday afternoon, as my temps are up at 98.0 this morning (anything above 97.7 indicates some form of ovulation for me). Does anyone know if antibiotics kill sperm? Everything I’ve been reading says no, and the doc said no last night…I just can’t fucking believe that I have to worry about this shit now.  I’m so goddamn sick and tired of my body…yeast infections, bladder infections, ovarian issues….I’m just done with this. DONE.

Twinges

I’m on CD 14, and feeling great big twinges in the left ovary, folks! Plus a Touch of EWCM (sounds like a fragrance you’d want to buy, doesn’t it?) and OPK cheapies that have been inching towards positive the last couple of days!! (I’m still too cheap to by the fancy shmancy OPKs…) 100mg of Clomid may be doing the trick again this month (bitch slaps ovaries). Two ovulatory months in a row would be insanely awesome.

Hubs and I are in the “do-it-every-night-this-week-until-our-genitals-wither” mode. With every cycle balancing on whether I will or will not ovulate, I’m not even playing this month. Not even playing, I say! My ovulation window WILL be met with massive quantities of spermage.

A big hearty pat on the uterus for all those who participated in Stork’s vlog awesome attack yesterday. It tickled my cervix to see all of your gorgeous faces up there on the screen!

 

Vlog Challenge!

Coming to you late Monday night, but in right under the wire, this is me. I think I sound weird. Also, holy FUCK this was a long video.  I’m riveting in it for exactly 3o seconds, and then it’s all downhill from there. Oh. And please forgive my screen grab of the video–it looks like I have been punched in the back of the head.

I’m pulling a copycat from Belle and letting y’all know that this video will probably become password protected in a few days, simply because me and the internets are still a little wary of one another. Enjoy my ramblings!

I’m with Stupid. Literally.

Pssst. Guess what?

I don’t think your weekend was better than mine.

Why, you ask?

Two words.

Stupid. Stork.

That’s right. Start hatin’. I met one of the funniest, smartliest, best writerliest bloggesses on the interwebs on Friday, and holy shit, this girl DOES NOT disappoint in real life, people. If you have never read her blog, please get your ass over there right now.

I was admittedly nervous to meet Jenny, namely because I may be the most awkward small talker ever, and have been known to fill long silences with painfully bad comments like “These fries taste very potato-y.” The only other times I met someone off the internet was during my JDate years, and so from those experiences, I had residual PTSD that Jenny would somehow greet me as a balding, awkward, sweaty Jewish guy.

Not so, my friends. Not so. After about 30 seconds of chatting with her knew without a doubt that I would be friends with this girl, even if IF never entered the picture and both of us had magical Michelle Dugger uteri.

We kicked off IFF (Infertile Fridays) with a meal at Ruby’s–a cute little diner that I (weirdly enough) worked at in high school. The best thing about meeting up with a fellow IF blogger is that the bullshit has already been cut through and I never have to worry about her saying something like, “Jayden’s in the 99th% percentile for height!.” or, “Don’t you guys want kids?”  Instead, we seamlessly alternated between stories on how we met our partners in crime, to jack off rooms in the RE’s office. After dinner, we headed over to the movie theater where I nervously purchased my ticket to see Sinister.

Confession: I am a huge. HUGE. baby when it comes to horror films. (ask Jenny–she’s still healing from my claw marks in her arm). The entire movie was spent either with my hands in front of my face, screaming like a little bitch in Jenny’s shoulder, or annoying the 16 year old boys sitting next to us by muttering “ohmygod, ohmygod…” under my breath.

Bottom line? Jenny is completely fabulous. We are fully intending on pulling more infertile shennanigans around LA some time in the near future, and hope that we can get a good group of us locals together. I will be posting more details about this next week. Hint: it will not involve a trip to the Grove, Color Me Mine, or any other place where smug fertiles and their offspring congregate. So if you’re anywhere near LA, please keep a date in November open for an outing.

When I got home, Hubs was at a birthday party, so I was home alone. In my dark, creaky house. After watching a movie with a psycho demon child eater and whispering children who draw on walls. In my moment of stellar judgement, I thought smoking some pot would be good to help me relax. Instead, it made me highly paranoid, and I basically had two legitimate heart attacks after hearing a very loud creak coming from the living room. My text messages to Hubs went something like this:

Me: 10:30PM: I’m home, where are you?

Me: 11:00PM: Hey, where are you?

(smokes pot)

Me: 11:30PM: ?????

(smoke more pot, fully believes her husband has been in a fatal accident)

Me: 12PM: Can you please text me back? Your phone is not letting me leave voicemails.

Me: 12:15: Ok. Text me back NOW. I’m getting worried.

Hubs: 12:20 Hey cutie! We’re at Olde King’s Head. Come by!

(waaaaay too high, trying to play it cool, and fully believing that there is a demon child murderer in the house )

Me: 12:21 Too late. I smked pot an cent drive.

Hubs: 12:22 Boooo

Me: 12:23 A demon may or may not be in our house.

Hubs: ??

Me: Just roll me over and do me when you get home.

(passes out).