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Progesterone Results are in.

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My phone rang this afternoon around 2PM. It was Dr. Sparkles’ office calling me with the results of my progesterone test. I picked up IMMEDIATELY of course. Except when I picked up the phone, the nice “nurse” on the other end of the line identified herself as….Dr. Sparkles herself.

This is where my heart sank. A doctor calling with lab results didn’t seem like a good thing. At all.

Me: “Oh God…What the FUCK is wrong with my blood results Dr. Sparkles???!!!!”

(okay, I didn’t really say that. But I was thinking that.)

Let’s start again:

Me: (voice up twenty three octaves) Oh, hiiiiiiii Dr. Sparkles…

DS: Hi Sunny…well…I just wanted to call to let you know your lab results came back in from the progesterone test this morning…

Me: (ohfuckohhfuckohfuck) Yeeeeees?

DS: So, anything above 3 indicates you ovulated, and anything above 10 indicates a good ovulation…

Me: (shitfuckdamnmotherfuckerjustpullthebandaidoffquicklybitch) Mmhmmm??

DS: And I’m happy to report that your levels were at 18! So congrats!! You had a great ovulation this month. I hope that this cycle works like a charm, blahblahblah…

You get the picture.

I hung up the phone and exhaled and flopped into my chair, relieved, yet shaken. Seriously gals, after being *this close* to loosing it over the phone about a freaking progesterone test, I don’t know how you all do it with issues that trump this shitty little test by, like, ten billion ovaries. You have all become my heroes overnight. Not like you weren’t already, but holy god, you women are strong, strong, amazing people. I encourage each and every one of you, regardless of how far you’ve come in this process to look in the mirror and tell yourselves you rock.

Because you do.

And now, back to rocking back and forth and going all Gollum on my uterus.

We wants the egg to implant, my Precious.



About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

9 responses »

  1. haha Okay, but, what are you going to do to keep the pesky hobbitses away?

  2. It sounds like you blew that “safe” number out of the water! Yay ovaries!

  3. Yay! Well done, ovaries!

    That picture and caption at the end had me laughing my ass off. I wonder if I can scare my damn eggs into implanting with that. 🙂

  4. You couldn’t ask for a better cycle! When is testing day?

  5. Fabulous number! Awesome ovulation. Such great news. Congrats!

  6. Sweet! My favorite Gollum word is “tricksy”, which I’d really like to spell like Trixie. And now I think I need another dog so I can name her Trixie. Random.

  7. Yay! Congrats! If I were him, I would have started with “HI Sunny, I wanted to let you know that your progesterone level is 18, which means…” Or maybe he likes to make people dance in anticipation 🙂

  8. That’s a fabulous number!! One week down, one to go!


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