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I debated writing this post, because I have purposely avoided getting overly “political” on this blog, but I’m afraid it’s unavoidable today. There are some things I just cannot let slide. It’s in reference to a blog post I read yesterday as I was catching up with some of my reading since being gone last week. Frankly, the post was so off-putting, I was tempted to comment directly in the blog post, even though this person has been a loyal follower since Day 1 of my blog. But…I decided I had too much to say on the matter for her comments section. Instead, I will post a response here, and elect not to read her blog ever again. Peace out, homegirl. You fall under the “life is too short” or, “I’d rather pick my toenail cheese” categories. I’m not linking to the post because I’m a generally considerate person who doesn’t want this blogger to be barraged, but felt it important to counteract her bigotry (yes, I said “that word”) with some positive internet juju.

I realize that this entry may inflame some people, in which case, I truly, deeply, from the bottom of my heart, ask you to stop reading my blog. Seriously. Homophobia wrapped in a thinly veiled attempt to espouse “Christian Values” “Muslim Values”, “Jewish Values”, or “Whateverthefuck You Want to Practice” is one thing that is zero tolerance in my book. And please don’t spout bible quotes at me…I’m a Jew, remember? I’m going to hell. I’ll be taken care of on judgement day. (rolls eyes)

In response to this month’s writing prompt, this person proudly answered this question:

October 14: What is the greatest compliment you ever received?

“Well, I decided to support Chick-Fil-A, not because I’m against gay people, because that’s hardly the case, but because I wanted to support a company and its CEO for standing up for Christian values I happen to agree with. When I posted a photo of my meal on Facebook, a friend of my mom’s who is gay got very upset with me and wasn’t afraid to let me know how he felt about my choice of meals on that particular day. I did my best to remain calm and separate the two issues of gay marriage vs. Christianity, and reiterated how I don’t hate gay people, but was accused of being a bigot and my professionalism as a counselor came into question. Some of my friends and family stepped in to defend me, including one friend of Chris’s who said he thought I was the last person on earth who would ever discriminate and that I had a kind heart. It meant a lot to see this reflection of my character from another person and validated that I am not a horrible person. I may have different beliefs from many, and we may disagree about the best way to do things, but I would never act in an unkind way to someone because of the choices they have made or because of the situation they are in. It was good to know that my efforts hadn’t gone unnoticed and that my actions support my intentions.”

So, let me get this straight ( pun intended): Your biggest accomplishment (we’re talking BIG here) was standing up for your “Christian values” (God, I love putting quotes around those two words) by supporting a company who openly discriminates against gay people (who you claim you’re not against, although screw giving them equal rights to marry the people they love), and then patting yourself on the back for being “the last person on Earth who would ever discriminate”. You also say that you would “never act in an unkind way to someone because of the choices they have made” and in the same paragraph, mention your Facebook photo post of you enjoying your yummy and delicious Chick-Fil-A meal. Do you understand how fucked this logic is?

This reader even linked to an article supporting her views to discriminate against gay people support Chick-Fil-A and their “Christian Values” from none other than…surprise! Fake FOX News! Thanks for the education on this matter. I was able to catch other riveting links on the side bar of this article including: “15 Black Celebrities who Are Affiliated with the Republican Party”, which is awesome, because I have, like, two black friends. (rolls eyes yet again).

You, blogger, yes, I’m talking to you (you know who you are.) You’ve posted many times about how hard it is to see pictures of friends with babies on Facebook because they have something you so desperately want, and it kills you a little bit inside to see them have this, and show it off, and not understand how damn hard it is to be without a child. Can you do a little soul searching? A little (just a little!) reflection on what your smug Chick-Fil-A photo post feels like to an openly gay person? Or someone who has been terrified of coming out of the closet? How about those gay men and women who so desperately want to raise a family? My guess is, your “Christian Values” tell you that these loving people should be denied that right as well. But your desperation for a family is all good with God because you happen to be straight.

How about the “Christian Value” of infertility in general. There are, I’m certain, many people whose “Christian Values” dictate that anything other than sexual intercourse to procreate is immoral. Heck, masturbation is immoral, so forget being able to jizz in a cup for an IUI. Forget Clomid, Femara, or injectables–if you don’t ovulate on your own, it’s not part of God’s plan.  Let’s not even get started on IVF. Now, imagine if you were walking into your RE’s office to get a procedure like this done, and you were confronted with a bunch of angry people with all of their children, shouting that your Christian Values are out of whack and that you are immoral for using medicine to start a family. Or if politicians started using “those immoral infertiles” as platforms for their campaigns. Insane, right? Yes, it is insane.

In the 1950s, there were many people whose “Christian Values” dictated that they would not marry, sit next to, or drink from the same fountain as a black person. They looked a bit like this:

Just another day supporting my Christian Values!

Today, these people look like this:

Or this:

Or this:

Clearly obesity is not a sin…

The most terrifying thing to me about this blogger’s post is how she truly believes she is not homophobic in any way. Just like those who protested interracial marriage in the 50s and 60s truly believed they were not racist.

I’ve mentioned my Grandma Sunny on this blog before (aka–one of the most compassionate, understanding, fearless women I know). In 1988, after 35 years of unhappy marriage to my grandfather, she divorced him and came out as a lesbian. She met a woman and lived with her  for 20 years. They never saw any wedding registries, health benefits, or tax benefits from their living arrangement.  For the majority of her adult life, Sunny lived in fear of being discovered–I mean, shit. If it’s this bad for gays now, can you imagine what it was like in the 50s?

Sunny is also a blogger like me. She doesn’t know I keep this blog, as I’m trying to keep it private from family. A few weeks ago, she wrote a post about what it was like for her to attend my wedding. If you have a moment, please read it–especially you, Chick-Fil-A blogger. The words were so powerful, they made me cry. It made think a little bit harder about this picture of Sunny, taken during our wedding ceremony–my most loving, ridiculously brave and wonderful grandmother, crying not only out of happiness for me, but sadness of what might never be in her lifetime.

So tie up your homophobia in your pretty little bow and call it “Christian Values”, post your Chick-Fil-A meal all over your Facebook page, and tell us all about how you have, like, at least 3 gay friends, so that must mean you loooooove gay people.  You’re not convincing me.


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

29 responses »

  1. So excellent. Every word was perfect. Thank you.

  2. I just love this post.

  3. “I don’t discriminate against gay people, I just support companies to pay others to do it for me”

  4. HERE HERE! Wait, hear hear? Whatever — amazing post, and I totally agree with every single word. As soon as someone utters the words “choices they make”, I’m out. BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE! Who the fuck CHOOSES to be a persecuted minority without the right to marry who you love?! Argh. Also, you have a kick-ass grandma who is a truly talented writer, and I really hope more people read that blog post.

    Erm, so let us know how the saline sonogram went?

  5. Smoooooch, you are fabulous, and I LOVE Grandma Sunny.

  6. This is a fantastic post. I also have ZERO tolerance for homophobia cloaked in anything and those who claim not to be biggots. I am right there with you sister and openly call out those who make ridiculous claims. My hubby and I were not legally married for the first 4 years of our marriage because of the blatant discrimination on the part of the government. We had our courthouse day 1 1/2 years ago for a few reasons but I still feel semi guilty about being able to claim the benefits.

    I’d love to know which blogger it was.

  7. Well said, friend. Well said.

  8. I just started reading your blog a few months ago and never felt the need to comment, until now…….well said!!! I hope the blogger that you are commenting about takes a second look on how her “just a photo of food” was cruel.

  9. I love love love this! Thanks for writing it!

  10. Like you Sunny, I REALLY wanted to post something on her blog too. I actually wrote out this long response but then decided, uck why even waste my breath. I just unfollowed the blog because I too, was disgusted. But now, you have inspired me, as the wife of a transgender person, and the fact that our marriage could come into question, that I will repost your blog because it really is so completely fabulously written and I thank you for your energy in this.

  11. This is the first time commenting on your blog, but I’ve been reading for a while.

    Thanks for your post. I am in the south and deal with a lot of people having similar views as the blogger you mentioned. Quite a few of my family members feel the same, which is incredibly discouraging as my sister is gay.

    The Chick-Fil-A debacle strained relationships with my family. They can’t see how horrible of a company this is, operating under the “Christian values” banner. There are reports of employee discrimination, not only due to sexual orientation, but also gender (I.e. certain managers telling women to consider quitting their jobs to stay home and “be a good mother” to their children). It isn’t just the statements of Dan Cathy. It’s Winshape, their own organization, which denies same sex couples and gay people from attending any of their family and/or marriage seminars. It’s the charitable donations to anti-gay organizations. It’s the culmination of multiple horrific things that make CFA such an extreme turn off to me.

    So thanks for standing up against this ridiculousness. I can’t believe that anyone would ever consider eating at gay haters CFA their biggest accomplishment in life.

  12. LOVE this post. It brought to mind something I read on deadspin a few weeks ago that is along the same lines (although way more swearing) and this guy is my new favorite kicker – enjoy!

  13. I love you so hard sometimes.

    A well-deserved slap on the behind to you from me, a gay-loving commie.

    I completely agree with everrrrything you just said. The signs are horrifically similar nowadays to the ones that were using the Bible to discriminate (ie “I don’t hate them, seriously – I just think Jesus would’ve wanted them using separate water fountains”) against people of color.

    It is.. so gross how every time there’s a group of people to discriminate some of our ‘slower’ society members think “no really, we were wrong all those other times but this time we’re right!”

    And I am by no means religious, but I am completely confident that Jesus would be MORTIFIED by how some people are ‘representing’ him.

    And don’t feel one fleeting second of regret for saying it on your blog.. Maybe there are other differences that are worth arguing about between ‘conservatives’ and the rest of us, but this one is so fucking ridiculous we shouldn’t waste one more iota of energy being kind about it.

    And infertility or no – I genuinely shudder to think about the children being raised by the people who feel this way – because what is the likelihood that none of them are gay?

    You’re on the wrong side of history, folks. The absolute 100% WRONG side.

    • I have a pink and fuzzy Answer-Me-Jesus (he’s like a magic 8 ball!), and when I asked him how he felt about how the chick-fil-a-holes are representing him he did indeed answer with “mortified”.

      • No no no, can’t be true because Jesus was in full support of people with a mob mentality completely afraid of change. Oh wait – how did he die again?

        I genuinely don’t understand why people don’t see this clearly – if Burger King started donating to the KKK and I was proud of myself for still eating their burgers, I would like to think I would at least have the self awareness to not turn around and say “Oh but I love black people, not an unkind bone in my body”.

        Own it at least, people. I own my hatred of bigotry, own yours.

  14. I love you, I love Grandma Sunny, and I love this:

  15. Oh. My. God. This was AWESOME. I have no idea who the blogger is that you are talking about and maybe that’s a good thing because I would have gone crazy in her comments section. I had friends who kept insisting it was a “freedom of speech” issue which I promptly called bullshit on.

  16. I read the post too and was very much bothered by it. I have zero tolerance for bigotry – we are all humans and should all be treated the same. End of story. Thank you for posting what I was way to chicken to write. xoxo

  17. This is a wonderful post. I totally agree. One day, we’ll look at how our society currently discriminates against gays, and we’ll see it as just as reprehensible as the days when minorities had very few civil rights. I strongly believe that people are born gay, and that it’s a natural variation in sexuality. How can you discriminate against someone for just being who they are? And I think it’s very un-Christian-like to judge people and want to deprive them of the opportunity to be happy and to love another human being in a marital relationship. I agree with the poster who said that Jesus would be mortified.

    I loved how you pointed out the hypocrisy of this person who so desperately wants a baby, yet cannot understand the plight of a gay person so desperately wanting to marry the person they love. And you’re right that many religious people think fertility treatments are wrong because if you’re infertile, it’s “God’s will”. But of course, when they end up infertile, they change their minds, bending their own rules, because they want what they want. Many are hypocrites who bend their own insanely strict, judgmental views to benefit themselves, but still cast judgment on and want to impose their own skewed “morality” rules on others.

    I’ve met a lot of really cool, loving religious people, so this post is only for those extremists who use religion to keep others down.

    I’m passionate about this subject, so your post really struck a chord- I loved it.

  18. Oh, yeah, and your grandma rocks!

  19. Yes. Just amazing! This post absolutely rocks.

  20. Pingback: Chick-Fil-A-holes « Kathryn Finding Balance

  21. I came to your blog after Google-ing “candida pcos”…I’ve been reading each post since April, 2012…and I think we could be BEST FRIENDS if we knew each other! haha. I love this post!!! Also, I’m 29, and I went through 6 years of no plus signs…and now have a 19 month old; I haven’t read the rest, so you may be pregnant now, but if not, it’ll happen. I have another soul-cyster that got pregnant also, her son is now 1 month old….IT’LL HAPPEN ❤ (if it hasn't already…I plan on reading the next 4 months of posts to find out!)

  22. Pingback: Misc. Friday | Cease And Decyst

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