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PCOS is messing with my head

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It has been one full week since I got my positive pee stick. Each day this past week has felt like a freaking eternity. I’m doing all right…if doing all right means only squeezing my boobs and pinching my nipples around 30 times a day to make sure that they are still sufficiently hurting and tender. The boobs are pretty much my one lone symptom right now. Earlier in the week my abdomen was feeling very full and crampy, which I was grateful for, but the last few days, the cramps haven’t been very strong, and only come very occasionally.  I suppose I’m a bit more tired than usual, but then again, I love napping in general, and did so even before pregnancy, so it’s pretty normal for me to curl up in bed at around 2PM on the weekend for a little R&R.

There’s only one other “symptom” of my pregnancy that I have…

Yep, you guessed it!

I still haven’t gotten my period.

This is a terrific indicator of pregnancy for everyone who menstruates like clockwork, but for me and my broken body, pregnancy is feeling a lot like… the entire year I just spent without a period. My head is having a very hard time believing that I’m pregnant, even though all signs point to “Of course you are, dumb ass.” It’s just that…well…I was always the one that rolled her eyes at the part in the movie where the accidentally pregnant chick realizes she’s “late” after one week. After my first ovulatory cycle off the pill in September of 2011, I was twelve months “late” until Clomid finally kicked in in September of 2012.

Not that I’m complaining about this whole lack of period thing AT ALL right now (I want that bitch GONE for the next 9 months), it’s just a bummer that the PCOS and anovulation has seriously messed with my head. It made me wonder if anyone else who has struggled with PCOS has ever felt this sort of surreal feeling around pregnancy. Or maybe everyone feels a bit surreal about it the first week? I’m trying to relax and get into this, but the year I spent feeling barren and menstruation-less is hard to shake.  I got so used to not having a period, it started to become my “normal state” versus anything remotely indicative of pregnancy.

Has anyone with anovulation had a hard time synching their brain with their body during pregnancy? I’m hoping that the ultrasound on Tuesday will help me connect a bit more to the little tadpole inside of me. Keep growing in there, little one!


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

5 responses »

  1. I’m not really qualified to comment, 45 day cycles aren’t necessarily annovulation (though my doctor thought so, hah, showed that guy). But just so you know, even though I’m gratefully almost 15 weeks in, I still sometimes wonder, is this real? Is there really something in there? Maybe it was all a HUGE mistake. I haven’t gained a whole pound yet. I feel pretty normal and dandy. Yeah my pants don’t really fit but still … don’t really feel… pregnant. I question the legitimacy sometimes. So, I can imagine, for someone who has gone months on end without a period, it would be really hard to believe. I think maybe it would start to really really feel real when you can feel the baby move? That’s what I’m hoping. You will get there!!!!! Come on little baby Sunny!

  2. It is AMAZING how time seems to completely halt and slow down to an imperceptible crawl during that first week of knowing you’re pregnant! I felt the exact same way. And the lack of period means nothing to me, either, having gone almost 100 days at a time without one. Hence, I didn’t realize I was pregnant til I was almost 6 weeks along! I haven’t thought about the period part much though, since the 4×200 mg of vaginal progesterone requires me to wear a pad 24/7 anyway.

    You’ll get through this, although I’m afraid time continues to go slow for me! Sending good vibes to that little one!

  3. I totally get it. I went a few years without a period and never once suspected I might be pregnant.

    So of course now that I am pregnant not having a period isn’t even something I think about. It took seeing an alien on fuzzy black screen that is the ultrasound for be to believe this might be happening.

    Do whatever you need to do to keep the sanity in the beginning. Every passing milestone brings ease and peace. You’ll get there.

  4. Iiiii pinch and tweak my boobs at least 60 times a day, and I am most certainly not pregnant and only do it to verify that they are still, indeed, there.

    I can imagine that that would be tricky-tricky… PCOS in a way fakes pregnancy symptoms, so I think if you feel like you always do it’s actually a pretty good sign.

  5. YES. For sure. I don’t get a period either. I didn’t “feel” pregnant until I was unbearably nauseous, and even then I just felt sick. I think that’s part of why I loved the second trimester so much, because then I started to show and eventually could feel the babies moving and I really FELT pregnant finally. PCOS sucks and really messes with your brain. And now that I’m breast feeding, I don’t know if I’m not getting my period because of the nursing or because of PCOS roaring back. Yay.


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