Ok. So. You know how I have huge anxiety around pee sticks? So much so that I waited until 15dpo to test, and even then, I only used one cheapo HCG strip to confirm, and have never tested again? I’ve realized that my impending ultrasound tomorrow at 5 weeks, 1 day has taken the pee stick anxiety and multiplied it by a thousand.
My RE likes to err on the cautious side, I guess, but after doing some thinking on this, I feel like I am setting myself up for a major lose/lose scenario as I go into what is supposed to be a relaxing 4 day weekend. An ultrasound this early feels akin to doing a pregnancy test at 9DPO–sure, there have been some positives on record…but for the most part, you’re staring at a BFN even if you’re knocked up.
My logic behind waiting another week for the ultrasound is as follows: First up: I have no pain, no spotting, and nothing that would indicate that there is a significant problem thus far. So, I’m not sure what an ultrasound buys me this early, in that department. Second up: 5 weeks and 1 day may be too early to even see an embryo in there, let alone a heartbeat. Sure, we’ve all heard stories about someone who has seen all of the above, but from what I can tell, it’s rare. For someone who does NOT do well with uncertainty, I can only imagine how my Thanksgiving weekend will unfold should the doctor say, “Well, I don’t see anything in there yet, but it’s probably still too early to tell…” I would MUCH rather wait until I’m around 6 weeks and there is a definite chance of seeing an embryo and (please God) a heartbeat. This would get me past holidays with the family, and into a better space mentally. In the name of turkey, pie, and good times with the fam, ignorance is bliss this early in the game.
So yes. After writing all of this, I believe I am going to forgo the ultrasound tomorrow in favor of sanity over the long weekend. Is this negligent? I just have a hard time believing that I absolutely need one this early. Sorry, little one! Hang tight, and I’ll sneak a peek of you next week.