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I came, I saw, I ate. Everything.

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Happy post-food coma! This Thanksgiving, I’m not gonna lie….I gorged. Yep, I have become a human food vacuum. Unfortunately, my ass, stomach, and thighs don’t seem to understand that just because I eat 3,000 calories a day doesn’t mean they get to go all crazy and stop fitting into my jeans. Stupid ass. I’m mad at myself for giving into cravings for bagels and cream cheese the last few mornings.

Never fear, though. I paid the price for my gluttony. My stomach was so bloated and distended yesterday I looked about 5 months pregnant instead of 5 weeks, and I kept squeezing my belly fat and poking at it, depressed. To make things even more interesting, the one consistent pregnancy symptom I have aside from my boobs each weighing about 5 pounds each, is constipation. It had been 3 days since I’d been able to go. Yesterday, a painful mass exodus occurred in my colon. It was like that scene in Fiddler at the end, where they’re all singing “Anatevka”. In a game of “let’s terrify the 5 week pregnant Infertile”, I wiped afterwards, and a huge bright red blood stain appeared on the toilet paper, as well as a puddle of blood in the toilet. After an audible gasp, and some frantic “ass or vag” tests with more toilet paper, I realized that this blood was definitely a nasty hemorrhoid, not a miscarriage. Now I am terrified to poo, which is always great for constipation.  I’m applying castor oil to the region, hoping it will reduce the inflamation and make me less scared to go.

And that, my friends, is the story of Thanksgiving.

I wish I had more exciting things to report. I’ve been feeling like a drip lately because I’ve been going to bed at 8 or 9PM every night, and sleeping a good 10-12 hours which is basically unheard of for me. My energy levels are definitely up and down lately. I tried going to the gym yesterday and was winded after 10 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill. I’m trying not to overdo it, but as someone who loves running and physical activity, these are all new feelings for me.

Without an ultrasound confirming anything for another week or so, I’m sort of in this limbo state right now. However, I’m not regretting my decision to wait. Until then, I will continue to update you on bloody hemorroids and boobs that weigh about a ton each. We’re talking porn star boobs here, people. Holy shit!


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

6 responses »

  1. We had two thanksgiving meals – one Thursday and one Friday, and I too ate everything in sight.
    I’ve also had the vag vs. butt issue thanks to some constipation, so you are not alone. Have you tried any stool softeners? My nurse at the RE’s office said Colace was safe to take – might help!

  2. I totally hear you about the energy level going up and down. SOmetimes i’m great but i’m still sleeping like 10hours a night and by 8:30 i’m done. Just do what you think is best! I have been vigilant about not getting constipated b/c during my IVF the progesterone and meds made me so constipated and i’ve done pretty good though i can tell even with my best effort this time around it still harder to go than normal. I agree with Theresa – start taking Colace (i recommend 2 in AM and 1 in PM), eat fiber bread/cereal & prune juice (mix it with cranberry or something b/c alone it’s just gross!) and try to avoid dairy. Just two cents from a fellow 5-weeker!! hang in there – i’m going crazy waiting for my u/s !!!

  3. Colace is safe during pregnancy – I HIGHLY recommend it!!!

  4. Oh no you sound awful and pregnant, so….that’s good! I was really constipated very early on too and it seems to have resolved itself, I hope yours goes away soon too. I didn’t know of that use for castor oil, I will keep it in mind, thanks.

  5. oh god, this post was awesome and it made me smile. thank you.

    glad it was just a haemorrhoid. I find witch hazel on those little make up remover cotton pads is heavenly. when we were pg and I couldn’t crap for 10 days I finally went and had the same scenario– I put a bunch of those cotton pads in tupperware, poured in an ungodly amount of witch hazel and then stashed them in the fridge for that extra level of wonderfulness.

    I’m not gonna lie… the moment of first contact is gut wrenching but after that it feels like heaven!!!!!

  6. Eeeeek!!! I am only now catching up on old entries from the last few weeks and just saw your news!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I know, this is so late, but still, CONGRATS!! I’m so happy for you that you get to be “that girl!”


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