Finally! The entry that I have been meaning to write for 5 days now…my life is the epitome of “when it rains, it pours”. And funny enough, I typed “episiotomy” instead of “epitome” just now.
Also, for those curious, I have given Bagel his own little tab if you are so curious to see what a 7 week 4 Day old adorable fetus looks like.
I’m sort of amazed that I have survived these last few weeks. When I’m not commuting 2 hours a day to work, working a job I hate, interviewing multiple times for a job I want, trying to finish two night classes, and praying to little Bagel to stay put for the next 32-or-so weeks, I have been sleeping. Before Ultrasound #1 last week, I felt intense (we’re talking INTENSE) anxiety around this pregnancy, and while I still do have my occasional frets and worries, I have been so hectic in day to day life that by the time I have some quietude to sit down and do some real deeply paranoid irrational worrying about my pregnancy, I want to go to sleep or eat ice cream. I have hit maximum capacity for exhaustion and worry, and so I’m choosing to imagine little Bagel living and growing in peace in a nice cozy womb that he/she can curl up and nap in. Those thoughts make me happy. Although yes, I still look every time I wipe.
So, Ultra Thursday! Let me elaborate. That first ultrasound was mentally very very hard for me. I’ve learned that you can read about everyone elses ultrasound experiences on blogs and chat rooms, but it doesn’t quite prepare you for what it will be like for you. I wish I could have frolicked right into that ultrasound room, dropped trou, and excitedly spread my lady bits to catch a glimpse of the magical Bagel, but my mind was full of fears about missed miscarriages and blighted ovums. I had not had many severe symptoms, which I took as a very bad sign. All of my negativity impacted Hubs as well–he, the eternal optimist, was beginning to doubt this pregnancy, and in retrospect, I feel awful that I was basically a walking Dr. Google of Doom and Gloom during the days leading up to the ultrasound.
I got my bloodwork done before the ultrasound, and met with the nurse who asked when the first day of my last menstrual period was. I couldn’t remember that, but I told her the exact day I ovulated (CD 19), and that I was 7 weeks 4 Days pregnant. She seemed a bit confused, and told me that the way they measure is by LMP. So, I took my ovulation date, counted backwards 19 days, and let her know when the first day of my period was. She then told me that I was 8 weeks, 1 day along.
“Ummm….no I’m not.”
“Well, according to your LMP, you definitely are 8 weeks one day along.”
“Well, I’m not ovulating on a 28 day cycle, and I’m using a really fancy shmancy online program that has told me that I’m DEFINITELY 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant.” (Ok, it’s not that fancy shmancy, but come on! Get with the program, nurse!)
The woman refused to believe me. WTF? Annoying. She told me to wait to speak to the doctor about it after my ultrasound and wrote down 8 weeks, One day in my file.
I had thought that my RE would be doing the ultrasound, but instead, it was an NP at the practice. This made me nervous because I have heard horror stories where they can’t talk to you about what they see during the ultrasound, they just click away, and then wait for the doctor. I made sure to ask her when she cam in whether or not she could tell me what was going on, and she said she could. Whew.
So, I assumed the position, her magic wand went in…and after about 5 eternal seconds of searching, a perfect round yolk sac appeared, attached to…TA DA!!! Bagel!! My eyes immediately zoomed into Bagel’s tiny chest and saw the flickering pulse of the heartbeat. Music to my eyes. Given that I had already spent about 563 hours
obsessively calmly looking at ultrasound pics and videos, I knew exactly what I was looking for, but I think that Hubs was a bit more mystified with what we were seeing, being the sane rational one in the relationship who doesn’t overly Dr. Google things. We weren’t allowed to hear the heartbeat quite yet–I asked why, and she said it was this clinic’s policy not to turn the sound on too early because it could “disturb” the baby–something like that. Anyone heard of this? I’m trying to figure out why, but resisting the urge to Dr. Google again.
Bagel measured at…7 weeks 5 days (so, yeah…something tells me my calculations were right on the money) with a heart rate of 158–nice!
Afterwards, we met with my RE and she reinforced the fact that everything was perfect. I told her about the discrepancies on my due date, and she pulled out another handy dandy calculator. Low and behold…I was 7 weeks, 4 days.
After breathing huge sighs of relief and hugging in the ultrasound room, I got changed, and Hubs and I zipped to the deli downstairs to toast Bagel with a bagel and cream cheese. Hooray!!
I got a message from the RE the next day letting me know my blood work was “fine”–nothing to worry about. Whew. Relieved about that. They called back a second time to ask me for my primary care physician’s info so they could send over some of my blood work to him, and happened to catch me. While I was speaking to the nurse, I asked her what my “fine” progesterone results were–just for my own edification. With my PCOS, progesterone fluctuations are the one thing I know is important to monitor.
“They checked out fine. They’re at 15.”
Voice getting high…”15? But…a couple of weeks ago they were 22, and aren’t they supposed to be going up? Not down?”
“Hmmm…let me go ask the doctor.” She puts me on hold. “Yeah…the doctor just told me she wants you on Endometrin suppositories as soon as possible.”
Okay…so, let me just vent for a second. Had I not asked about my progesterone levels and questioned whether or not I needed supplements, I wouldn’t have been prescribed them! I know that 15 isn’t insanely low, but it is a bit troubling to me that the levels were going down instead of up, and that a doctor wouldn’t have flagged this. I am now on Endometrin 2 x a day, which is fine…I just hope that it can get my progesterone up over the next couple of weeks until the placenta takes over. From what I can tell, most of us are on progesterone supplements from the time we ovulate–especially PCOS-ers. Has anyone here been prescribed Endometrin at 7 or 8 weeks along? I know it’s just a precaution, but it did worry me a bit that had I not been my own advocate I would still be on nothing right now. And I have been amazing at not googling “declining progesterone levels and miscarriage.” I’m sure that’s a fucking landmine right there.
Other than that little adventure in vaginal suppositories over the weekend, I have still been relatively symptom-less. I have about 1-2 very quick bouts of nausea per day, and I can feel a pressure in my uterus from time to time, but that’s about it. My boobs are hurting less, but I have had to let go of the symptom spotting and just trust that my body is doing what it needs to do to sustain little Bagel.
My final “graduation” ultrasound is next Wednesday…I will be 9 weeks 2 days. Keep growing, little Bagel…Keep Growing.