I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted. Sorry for being a bit MIA–I was in Minnesota for a few days visiting my dad. I felt somewhat guilty that I came all the way to Minnesota and ended up sleeping a lot–like…A LOT (until 12PM one day, which is unheard of for me). We did a lot of relaxing walks around the woods by his house, watched Love Actually (I will fight anyone who doesn’t like this movie), and walked around The Mall of America. It was there that I came the closest I’ve ever been to being nauseous– burning feeling in the pit of my stomach, started feeling flushed, and had to sit down and drink some water. I think it might have been the smell of the Cinabon and the perfume store nearby that did it.
The day before I left for Minnesota, I had quite possibly the most stressful job interview of my life. It lasted 5 hours, I met with about 7 people, all of whom came into my interview armed with a list of about 8-10 questions for me to answer one. after. the other. “Tell me about a time you had to use good judgement to solve a problem…” “Tell me about a time you solved a budget issue…” It was hell. I kept thinking about the stress I was putting my pregnancy under just be being in the scenario, which didn’t help things. Also, I wasn’t feeling terrific (had a pounding headache and kept feeling flushed) and it really kicked in during a lunch time interview where I tried to force down dim sum in a smelly Chinese restaurant while being interrogated with questions during the lunch. Overall…I don’t know. I just…don’t know.
To top it off, I have a big Chemistry test today, another big test on Thursday, my mother in law is coming into town this weekend, I have a Chemistry final next Tuesday, I have a shit ton of paying job work to do this week, I’m waiting to see if this job actually comes through, and I have my first ultrasound on Thursday. I’ve pretty much hit a point where I’m drowning and just shrugging as I slip slowly beneath the surface.
The ultrasound is freaking me the hell out, everyone. Seriously. I know it’s typical to get nervous about something like this…I just…ugh. I’m getting teary eyed AGAIN. (Stop crying.) I just don’t know how I will handle being crushed. I don’t know how I’ll take bad news. I can’t even anticipate how bad news might be delivered. Why can’t I just train my brain to assume the best?? I keep thinking that if I was like Kate fucking Middleton and hospitalized for extreme morning sickness, I would feel more confidant in this pregnancy (my logic is fucked…I know.) I’m still having a very hard time convincing myself that I have a baby growing inside of me, and it’s a total mind fuck because I don’t know if there is a REASON for this, other than me being highly anxious and irrational. The positives are: I have not bled. My boobs are sore. I’m sleeping a lot. I have to remember these as I prepare for Ultra-Thursday.
On the positive side of complete and other mind bending irrationality, Kate and Prince William got married 2 weeks before Hubs and I did. My back asswards brain has me thinking that because our wedding dates were so similar, maybe we’ll both have perfect pregnancies together, even though I kind of hate her and her perfect bangs. Because this is logical. Yeah.