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Been a While

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I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted. Sorry for being a bit MIA–I was in Minnesota for a few days visiting my dad. I felt somewhat guilty that I came all the way to Minnesota and ended up sleeping a lot–like…A LOT (until 12PM one day, which is unheard of for me). We did a lot of relaxing walks around the woods by his house, watched Love Actually (I will fight anyone who doesn’t like this movie), and walked around The Mall of America. It was there that I came the closest I’ve ever been to being nauseous– burning feeling in the pit of my stomach, started feeling flushed, and had to sit down and drink some water. I think it might have been the smell of the Cinabon and the perfume store nearby that did it.

The day before I left for Minnesota, I had quite possibly the most stressful job interview of my life. It lasted 5 hours, I met with about 7 people, all of whom came into my interview armed with a list of about 8-10 questions for me to answer one. after. the other. “Tell me about a time you had to use good judgement to solve a problem…” “Tell me about a time you solved a budget issue…” It was hell. I kept thinking about the stress I was putting my pregnancy under just be being in the scenario, which didn’t help things. Also, I wasn’t feeling terrific (had a pounding headache and kept feeling flushed) and it really kicked in during a lunch time interview where I tried to force down dim sum  in a smelly Chinese restaurant while being interrogated with questions during the lunch. Overall…I don’t know. I just…don’t know.

To top it off, I have a big Chemistry test today, another big test on Thursday, my mother in law is coming into town this weekend, I have a Chemistry final next Tuesday, I have a shit ton of paying job work to do this week, I’m waiting to see if this job actually comes through, and I have my first ultrasound on Thursday. I’ve pretty much hit a point where I’m drowning and just shrugging as I slip slowly beneath the surface.

The ultrasound is freaking me the hell out, everyone. Seriously. I know it’s typical to get nervous about something like this…I just…ugh. I’m getting teary eyed AGAIN. (Stop crying.) I just don’t know how I will handle being crushed. I don’t know how I’ll take bad news. I can’t even anticipate how bad news might be delivered. Why can’t I just train my brain to assume the best?? I keep thinking that if I was like Kate fucking Middleton and hospitalized for extreme morning sickness, I would feel more confidant in this pregnancy (my logic is fucked…I know.) I’m still having a very hard time convincing myself that I have a baby growing inside of me, and it’s a total mind fuck because I don’t know if there is a REASON for this, other than me being highly anxious and irrational. The positives are: I have not bled. My boobs are sore. I’m sleeping a lot. I have to remember these as I prepare for Ultra-Thursday.

On the positive side of complete and other mind bending irrationality, Kate and Prince William got married 2 weeks before Hubs and I did. My back asswards brain has me thinking that because our wedding dates were so similar, maybe we’ll both have perfect pregnancies together, even though I kind of hate her and her perfect bangs. Because this is logical. Yeah.


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

10 responses »

  1. You WILL get good news at your ultrasound. I Know how hard these first weeks are. Absolutely nerve wracking and you can’t even down a bottle of Pinot to ease the pain! 🙂 Take care of yourself and know I’m here if you need to vent. xoxo

  2. Um, hello, Kate Middleton doesn’t have bangs!! 🙂 She does have perfect hair, though. I just wish she’d go lighter on that eye-liner…

    This is clearly a time of crazy-ass stress for you, but keep reminding yourself that it will eventually ease up. The chemistry tests will be over soon, the job sitch will sort itself out one way or another. And I, for one, am pumped for Ultra-Thursday! If I were in L.A., I’d totally tailgate that shit and set up a keg in the clinic’s parking lot.

    That is what you Americans do, right?

  3. Fingers crossed that everything looks great at your u/s. And yes, in my opinion, it’s totally normal to be scared. Goodness knows I was.

  4. Good luck at your ultrasound AND good luck with all those exams. Egad.

  5. Yikes that interview sounds horrendous!!!!!! Do you still want the job after that? Bleh.

    I am sending you crazy good thoughts for Thursday. I was in a cold sweat in the waiting room before my 6w ultrasound. It’s so scary! ❤

  6. Wow! It sounds like a crazy few days – that interview sounds intense. I hope you got the job! I understand the nerves. It’s a stressful (and wonderful) place to be and you’ll get through it, wonderful, happy news included!

  7. That is one intense life you have over there Sunny. I hope it all goes quick and easy for you.

    Like most things the worst part of the ultrasound is the waiting period when your mind plays nasty games with you. Once you see that baby it will help and you will relax. Good Luck!


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