Greetings! Although I have gone silent as of late, I have been quietly stalking all of your blogs at 3AM as I deal with the horrible insomnia that has held me captive the last couple of weeks. I blame some of it on new job jitters, and some of it on my back (ever since 7 weeks, my lower back has felt like someone has taken a cattle prod to a nerve every once in a while, and sleeping positions are incredibly difficult to maneuver right now.)
Poo Alert: Little Bagel is getting his/her mini dose of caffeine right now so I can shit. It is 10-15 minutes into the dose, and I do not feel any “movement” coming. This terrifies me. Seriously. I cannot go another day at work without shitting.
Job Report: I really really wish I could tell you all where I worked and what I’m doing there, but let me just say it is with a holy-shit-amazing company, and a crazy creatively fulfilling position. Hint: you have all bought something from this company at one point or another. I can say this with certainty. I’m over the moon about this job, the likes I haven’t seen since, well, ever. The job itself is the most work I’ve ever had in my life, but the days are flying by. I start at 8:30ish, and finish at 7ish, but it doesn’t feel like work. I find myself so immersed in work some days that I realize that I haven’t thought about being pregnant ALL DAY. In a way, I feel guilty about that, but I also feel my life opening up a bit from the intense hamster wheel I was on at the beginning of my pregnancy.
Bagel: It is now 90% certain that we know what gender Bagel is. At my latest checkup, they accidentally put me in the ultrasound room, and the doc did a quick one rather than just listen to the heartbeat. Bagel just happened to be in a prime position for checking on the nether regions (tush pushed up towards the front of my stomach), and my doc seemed pretty convinced on the sex (his opinion was the same opinion as the doc who did my 12 week NT scan, so…) Results to be revealed in a separate post! Of course, I am ecstatic about a boy or a girl, but I can’t help but fantasize on what it will be like to raise Bagel. I’m in love with this little one. Bagel is measuring about 5 days ahead, and heartbeat was at 156bpm. His/her back and tush was faced outward, so I got to see all of the cute little vertebrae on the spine, and Bagel all snuggled up. Jesus it was cute.
Pregnancy in General: I gotta say….I am freaking loving being pregnant right now. There. I said it. The first trimester was filled with a lot of anxiety and Dr. Googling, but this second trimester has left me a bit more at ease and comfortable. My skin is not “glowing” (in fact, the skin on my face is dry and peeling), and I do have the back pain, but holy shit, y’all. I love my stomach! I have always been self conscious of the fact that I have an extremely short torso and no waist line to speak of (I’m more “carrot stick” than “hour glass”). But I gotta say, it’s working to my advantage in pregnancy because my uterus has no where to go but up and out, so I have a cute little round belly now (probably bigger than most 15 week pregnant bellies.) My boobs have always been on the large-ish side, but now they are large and IN CHARGE. I have gained 3 pounds so far, which is low and kind of disturbs me, but the nurse assured me it was “normal” and rolled her eyes and said, just wait till the second trimester really kicks in. Yeesh. Point taken! I may be singing a different tune at 30 weeks, but since I rarely compliment myself, I’m going to outright say that I love my pregnant body. Now if I could only get Summer Saunder’s ass…
Sex: As much as I’m digging my pregnant body, my sex drive has been in the shitter, and has been ever since the week we conceived Bagel and we had to rush to ER at 2AM due to my UTI. I’m not sure if it is hormonal, or just the fact that sex has equated lots of stress for the past year an a half, but I’m hoping I get a surge of second trimester horniness. Pregnant sex does feel a bit different than TTC sex, and even Hubs is a bit more tentative when it comes down to doing the deed because he’s afraid of hurting Bagel. I know logically there is no need to worry, but mentally, there really is a baby between us when we’re getting down and dirty and the image is not exactly “sexual”.
Hubs: Hubs has been stressing lately about job applications and interviews for a tenured position somewhere next year. Because of the baby and my job in LA, he is really limited on where he can apply, and anyone who is in the academic world knows that a limited job search is not the way to get a tenure job. He has never ever been a person who takes it easy, or “coasts” so the thought of not having a permanent job next year scares the shit out of him, and we are trying to work through all of this the best we can. My mom and grandmother are both local and will be helping out a lot with child care, so at the very least, I want Hubs to be able to get out of the house 3-4 days a week to work on his publishing and writing if he does not get hired somewhere near LA next Fall. Full time “Stay at Home Dad” is not a title he wants to wear, and I have absolutely no grudge about that.
I am headed to NYC for work for a week on Monday which I’m really looking forward to. I feel bad for whomever sits next to me because I have a window seat, and I’m pretty much guaranteed to get up at least twice during the flight to pee, but such is life.
I will close with this commercial that Hubs and I saw as we were watching “Biggest Loser” a couple of nights ago (well, I should say…I watch Biggest Loser, Hubs just mocks me the whole time). ANYHOW. This ad made both of us misty eyed. Damn you, Subaru!!!