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Sexin it up, Pregnant Style

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I don’t talk much about the good ole sex life here on the blog, but since being pregnant, I’ve noticed some changes in the bedroom department, and thought I’d ruminate on them for a bit in this forum. If up close sexy talk from a real life pregnant woman makes you squirm…well…don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about your secret stash of bondage porn. ANYWAY. I digress.

I’ve always felt pretty confident sexually. As someone who falls somewhere between freaky nympho and prudish 50s housewife, I have always felt my sexual appetite to be healthy, adventurous, and fairly uninhibited. I go with the flow, and don’t judge it if you like a finger here or there. Hubs is the same way, and sexually, we’re quite the good match. When Hubs and I were trying to baby make, there would be weeks when we would have sex 4 or 5 times, which is a lot for me. Frankly, some of those times would be a chore, but in the end, the child we produced the night I went out, got hammered,Β  saw Book of Mormon and had a rollicking sack session with him was well worth the other un-sexy sexy times we had where we would literally force ourselves to do it after a fight about rinsing dishes before you put them in the dishwasher (ALWAYS rinse that shit FIRST!).

When not pressured to baby make, I’m usually a 2–maybe 3–times a week girl on a good week. No less than once a week on a bad week. This has all changed now that I’m pregnant. I noticed my libido waning a bit in my first trimester. We were still getting it on maybe 2 times a week, but I wasn’t up to my normal friskiness. I didn’t have any morning sickness or fatigue, so I had no real excuse aside from “just not feeling it”. According to the internet, now that I’m in my second tri, many women experience this surge of sexual energy and want to bang 24/7. Looking at my bowling ball stomach and newly budded thigh and ass fat, I want to meet these mythical women and see what their sexy secrets are! I’m finding myself on the opposite end of the spectrum, and it’s frustrating. Not only does it take me longer to get in the mood, I am always aware of the way my stomach feels, and that there is a human being in there. When I do finally get a bit revved up and get outside my head, Hubs will say something like, “Are you sure this won’t hurt Bagel?” and I’m like, “Fuck Bagel. Fuck ME.” Which is always good for erections.

Aside from the body feeling strangely not mine anymore, I’m running into issues–um–finishing. See–I’ve never been able to have an orgasm any way other than missionary or oral. I know, I know…I’m a bit vanilla when it comes to that. But damnit! I know what I like, and I know what works. With a large and in charge stomach in the way, not to mention, fear of Hubs flopping his body weight on to our fragile fetus, missionary has been out. Oral with my huge belly is awkward as well. All you “women on top” girls, oh, how I envy you. I have tried every which way and the other to get myself off that way, and it’s just. not. happening. Same thing with every version of cowboy, cowgirl, doggy, and lazy dolphin (ok…I have no idea what lazy dolphin is, but it sounds interesting).

Last night was the first night in a couple of weeks that Hubs and I had penetrative sex (we’ve done “other things” between that time, but definitely not that frequently). Although I, again, couldn’t get off on top, I must admit, it was really nice just being with him in that way.Β  Sex is vital to our marriage, and I don’t want to let it slip…I do miss my libido, though, even if it wasn’t ever at a porn star level…and I never thought I’d type this…but I miss missionary position!


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

18 responses »

  1. Thanks for writing this. It’s a topic I’ve been too shy to talk about on my own blog.

    I’ve always felt that I had a fairly healthy libido, but like you, mine has taken a pretty serious nose-dive since becoming pregnant. And in the rare moments when I am in the mood, it’s difficult to convince my husband that we should do it. He has a lot of trouble blocking out the thought that there’s a baby in there, just on the other side of my cervix, and it’s (understandably) not something that turns him on. (I think I’d be very concerned if it DID turn him on.) And even since I felt the baby kicking when J was trying to get me off one time, I’ve just been like, “Um, yeah…I think I’ll pass.”

    So, hats off to you and your husband. You’re doing MUCH better than we are. πŸ™‚

    • I can TOTALLY relate! Hubs gets skeeved out about the thought of a baby “between” us…or that if I umm…swallow….that it’s essentially “cannibalism” because Bagel’s brothers and sisters are essentially going to feed Bagel. GROSS!! But kinda funny πŸ™‚

  2. I should totally write about this on my blog! Erm, except my parents read it… that could get awkward. Anyway, we were in a horrible position with sex during this pregnancy because my first trimester sent me into porn star fits of needing sexual release, but our RE had specifically said “no sex whatsoever” until the second trimester. Oral doesn’t really do it for me and when it comes to using fingers, I get really picky and specific about how it needs to be done (sorry, TMI), which is kind of annoying. In the end, we didn’t really fool around much at all, and I ended up having intense sex dreams like pretty much every night, and would wake up climaxing — and then having horrible uterine cramping. It just SUCKED. Anyway, now that I’m in the second trimester and we’re allowed to do the deed, my hormones have kind of settled back down to normal… which I think is probably a good thing!

    • No such thing as TMI, my friend! I am totally on board with the finicky ways in which we all get off. No one is the same, it seems! I had some sex dreams in the first tri which were CRAZY, and have just started cramping up during O (second tri). Fun times.

  3. I could have written this post. I was so jealous of all those women who wanted sex all the time in the 2nd tri, I kept waiting for it but it never came! Unfortunately it continued ALL the way through the rest of the pregnancy and has continued right up until the present, 8 months postpartum at which point I’m just starting to get my libido back and just started to feel “normal” when it comes to being able to orgasm, ie. being able to orgasm at all. Yeah…it’s been awhile since sex felt normal. Anyway, good luck, I hope you get your libido back before baby comes!

  4. My libido initially shot up with the growth of pregnancy boobs (I’ve always had tiny boobs, pregnancy were basically like a new toy), but now sex is getting just plain uncomfortable. I, too, was a huge fan of missionary, and oh… how I miss it. Though I’ve read it’s okay to do with a pillow under your bum. That’s from the internet, though, not my OB.

  5. Love this entry. I was always quite randy before pregnancy. Could be the high level of testosterone I have due to my PCOS. Other ladies I talk to think that more than twice a month is insanity. I would say that less than twice a week was insanity. We never could agree on this subject and they all think I’m the group nymph.
    Anyway… since getting pregnant I have had zero.. and I mean ZERO libido. I was on progesterone suppositories three times a day for the first ten weeks, so that definitely was a no no for sexy time. After that I was just feeling so …. different. My belly started to expand, my back ached, and nausea was in high gear. Once I started to feel better after the first trimester, I felt incredibly uncomfortable during and after sex. Almost like I was dry AND swollen “down there” and the combination was causing a less than pleasant feeling.
    30 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and it still feels pretty unpleasant. I hear it’s possible to get super randy during the third trimester, but so far I’m not seeing it…. all I can hope it that my PCOS hormone imbalance kicks into high gear after delivery and I get my mojo back! I never thought anything would be worth losing my mojo for, but baby girl is definitely worth it! πŸ˜‰

    • As a fellow PCOS’er, I can totally relate to the high testosterone levels revving up my sex drive pre-pregnancy. Now, it’s exactly like you said–more dry and uncomfortable down there. WTF? I always read that there are MORE fluids down there during pregnancy, but for me it’s been the opposite. Crazy.

  6. Thank you thank you for posting about this! I feel like those stories about your “increased sex drive in the 2nd trimester” must make a lot of women feel disappointed or inadequate. The fact is, things are changing! Our bodies are different…this is a crazy experience. So whatever happens, happens. Personally, I’m nearing the end of my first trimester and sex has been…not so interesting. We’re probably only having sex about once a week (my husband might say less…) and I don’t usually have an orgasm. I just feel disconnected from my body and a bit…numb. The sex still seems important though to stay connected to my husband, because frankly, I’m not too much fun to be around and I want to stay close to him however possible. Ha. But yeah. Sex. I am just HOPING I get the miraculous libido increase, but… it’s doubtful.

    • Yes–it’s the disconnect from my body that is so weird right now. I’m definitely not expecting that magical nympho libido any time soon, but I really love the closeness that sex brings to our marriage, so I am prioritizing that, and trying to look at sex differently than I have before.

  7. Orgasms used to freak me out because the babies would go nuts afterwards and it felt kind of gross. Like, is this even appropriate???? I mean obviously it’s fine but it felt wrong. Then my doctor forbade them because I was at risk for preterm labor, and forbade any kind of sexy time at all, so there it went.

    I felt amazing in my second trimester. I felt beautiful and happy and confident. But we still didn’t have a lot of sex. I just felt great. Maybe for some people that is what turns them on. However, since having the babies, once I felt up for that first post-baby sexy time it has been pretty great around here (you learn to work around baby sleep schedules haha)

  8. My yoni appears as if the second trimester drive is in full effect. All day every day. But my libido has been AWOL since 5 DPO. Gone, gone, gone. Sad.

  9. Woo hoo! My comment posted up there! Here’s another one: When I was pregnant and would finish my uterus would get super hard (contracting I suppose) and I was always worried it would squish V.

  10. We barely did it at all. I either wasn’t in the mood or we were freaked out that we would cause something bad to happen after previous events. I did have a libido but not in the second trimester like everyone said, more the first. I also did like the way my uterus got hard after orgasm, it was a too real reminder that a baby was in there and would kill my mood. Now that I am postpartum…no libido at all. Sigh.


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