I’m in a strange place right now with this pregnancy. On one hand, I have been feeling very fortunate that I have had relatively little pain, discomfort, or fatigue this entire time. That being said, because of this, I think I have a tendency to overdo things and “forget” that I could realistically have a child in my arms in 4 weeks. It’s been a common theme lately to over exert myself and then pay the price later when my feet are throbbing at the end of the day. I have to stop myself and say, “Oh yeah. You’re 8 months pregnant, dummy. Might want to lay off hauling shit out of your car and building strollers.” I know that Hubs would be happy to help, but part of me feels so good doing things I have a hard time asking for help. Case in point…this weekend. I was on my feet cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, running errands, packing my hospital bag, finishing the baby room, grocery shopping, and took 2 mile walks with Hubs both Saturday and Sunday mornings. At the end of the day Sunday my feet felt like they had been pummeled. I broke down and asked Hubs for a foot massage before we went to bed. As I was moaning while he was massaging my feet, he said, comically whimsical, “Sigh…I remember a time we used to have sex…”
Yeah, let’s just say my good ole sex drive aint what it used to be. It’s been a continual struggle as my body gets bigger and more ungainly for me to relax and let go. It’s not that I’m embarrassed of my body…it just doesn’t feel like it belongs to me right now, and it’s hard to get hot and bothered when I can’t see my vagina, and I groan uncomfortably every time I have to flip over or move off my back.
We visited some friends of ours on Saturday who had their baby 2 weeks ago at 36 weeks. He has been slow to gain weight, and is still clocking in at around 6 pounds. I held him, and he was soooo tiny…I felt so tentative–like I would break him. But in holding him, I also became excited to get to hold our daughter in my arms. It all started to get real…especially this morning when I realized that if I were on the same track as my friend, I could be having a child in 2 weeks. Then I freaked out. I am not THAT ready!! I don’t know if I’ll ever feel 100% ready…Something tells me I still have a while longer before she comes. At least 4 weeks, maybe more. Mother’s intuition? Or wishful thinking? 🙂