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It’s not labor…it’s work.

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Ick. It’s been a rough start to the week. And surprise! It is not pregnancy related! It’s work related. And the fact that something work related could be contributing to stress right now when I am 36 weeks pregnant and want nothing more than to coast the next few weeks pisses me off.

Time to vent so I can maybe go back to sleep for an hour or so before I have to wake up and deal with the work day.

I believe I may have mentioned it on here before, but I work in LA for the bastard stepchild of “the biz”–children’s animation. I work with artists and writers to develop original kid’s show ideas (animated and/or live action) that then get made and put on the air between lots of ads for toys and sugar cereal. I wake up sometimes wondering how I got here, and truthfully, it’s a path that makes very little sense, but all I know is that after nearly 10 years of doing this, I have to say, I feel very fortunate. I love artists and creators, and I love seeing how excited kids get when I tell them I “helped” on a show that they absolutely love.

In January, I started at a new company. A big company. Make that a HUGE company. And I am so happy at my job, and passionate about what I do. So the fact that the person running my entire division is a complete idiot has not been sitting well with me. It came to a head yesterday when I was struggling to convince him that a passion project of mine may very well be the biggest kid’s show ever and we would be idiots not to pilot it. I was being very respectful of his (totally antiquated) opinion that the show was “lacking in character development”, but at the same time, I wasn’t backing down on my opinion: the show I’m developing is the shit.

The conversation ended with him saying “don’t lecture me about how to make a kid’s show”, yelling at me over the phone  in front of my boss and hanging up on me. I was stunned. I’d never been yelled at like that at work, and for simply expressing my opinion? Cue: blood boiling rage, hot face, and fortunately no tears in front of my boss. Thankfully, my boss was 100% on my side that what just happened was totally inappropriate, but jesus. It has worked me up and continued to bother me for a full day now. I have to see this asshole today at the office, and I just don’t know how to handle myself? Cool, calm collected? Slightly aloof? Confrontational?

I went back to my desk after that call and felt Bagel move, and nearly lost my shit bawling because here I am at work, 9 months pregnant, fighting over cartoons, and there is a LIFE inside of me. Part of me just wants to say, “the job can go fuck itself”, but another part of me cares deeply about my job. Not only does it help pay our bills, I am passionate about it. My passion for it scares me a bit because I feel like it makes me less of a mother, if that makes any sense.

I know I’m just being ridiculous right now, but the whole experience has me shaken. I want to be this cool, calm, serene mother to be, preparing mentally for labor in a scented tub of rose petals and lavender oil, and instead, I find myself working 50+ hours a week fighting over kid’s cartoons and getting hung up on by fuck tards. I know that this vision of what motherhood and childbirth is “supposed” to be like is never the same for everyone…but for me it just feels like I am in this strange place right now. I am scared of the huge unknown that is awaiting me with motherhood, and I am feeling guilty for still getting all mucked up and dirty in my work world.

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

14 responses »

  1. Firstly fucktard is such a good word, i do not use it enough! Second I am so sorry that guy at work was such a fucktard! I think you are doing just great and you will be awesome in the whole motherhood shebang. I know this is cliche and probably very irritating but try not to worry too much about what you are and aren’t doing. Babies have a great way of messing up any plans anyway so try and just breathe, take each day at a time and you will be fine. Huge hugs.

    Reply
  2. Also, remember, working moms show kids what it is like to have a passion for what you do, to work hard, and that women can and do bring home the bacon. That is good stuff for kids to learn and see. You will be no less a mother than a stay at home mom!

    Reply
  3. My mom worked 50-60 hours a week outside the home for my whole childhood. She had to, but I never felt less loved because of it. She was always there for me no matter what. I’ve decided to go a different route with my kids and be a SAHM (well, stay at home foster mom right now). But that’s just better for our family. Bagel will feel no less loved than my kids are because you choose to work outside the home. You can count on that!

    Reply
    • Thank you for this comment! My mom worked 50 plus hours a week too and I love that I have those memories of her. Although there are definitely days I wish I could be a SAHM if only for the first year. Not in the cards!

      Reply
  4. That sucks to have to deal with at all, but especially now when you want to focus on Bagel. Sorry. Sometimes the people in the entertainment industry just baffle me.

    Reply
  5. You are who you are! I am also not one of those zen lavender scented primrose oil meditation earth mamas. I am crazy and passionate and moody and kissy and energetic and whatever, and sometimes just totally exhausted and don’t give a crap and let my kids fall down and bump their heads while I smile and wave at them from a distance. Don’t worry about who you are supposed to be. Bagel is getting a preview at life from the inside of you 🙂 Sorry work has you worked up, in a few weeks you will be at home with Bagel, having a whole new set of reasons to get worked up! ❤

    Reply
  6. I actually think you caring and being passionate about work makes you a better mother, esp. to a girl. She will be raised knowing her mother is strong and well-rounded and that will give her a wonderful role model. Sounds like you are doing a good job taking care of everything that is going on right now – hopefully the stress dies down a bit. 4 more weeks!!

    Reply
  7. EWWWW. You let me know if that guy needs an ass whooping because I’m pretty sure that guy NEEDS AN ASS WHOOPING.

    What happened? Did he apologize profusely, at this point, for being a jackass? hopefully?

    Reply

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