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Roids and Gynos

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38 weeks, 3 days pregnant, and I have the hemorrhoids to prove it. Sweet Jesus. I’ve never had them this bad…not to get too graphic, but they are…umm…protruding, and not only are they painful, they look hideous. The fact that I have them this badly now, before pushing a 7 or 8 pound baby out has me basically terrified that my asshole will look something like this after birth:


I have started to dread going to the bathroom because of the pain and aftermath of each poo. Witch Hazel pads are doing SHIT for me right now, by the way. Pun intended. Anyone have another better natural remedy? Taking a sitz bath helps, but I don’t always have access to a tub. I’m carrying wipes with me now in my purse to keep the area as clean as possible, but I think the ‘roids are something I’m going to have to just live with for a while.

I had my 38 week appointment with my OB on Monday. This was the first appointment where he checked my cervix to see what was going on. Hubs decided to come with me for this one, and I jokingly asked him how it felt to stand around and watch another man probe my vagina.

He responded by looking at me like this:

I am not amused by your gynecologist.

I am not amused by your gynecologist.


After a minute or so of digging around, OB let us know that Bagel’s head was at a “minus 2” station, and wedged in there pretty well, which is a good sign that she is engaged and ready for action some time…soon? Evidently labor usually starts around a “zero station”. My cervix is “soft”, but not dilated or effaced, so he’s betting that I still have at least a week or two to go. I had this weird thought that I was going to go into labor some time during Week 39, but now I’m not so sure…I have a feeling Bagel will be cooking a bit longer than her proposed due date which means I still have a good couple of weeks to go. I’ve been having mild cramping a couple of times a day, but no Braxton Hicks or anything that would imply she’s truly ready to come out.

Energy-wise, I’ve been pretty “up” lately. I keep getting comments and stares from people at work saying, “Holy shit…you’re still here?” or “Aren’t you MISERABLE???”.Β  The truth is, (and I’m sort of embarrassed to admit this…) I’m really not miserable at all. My MIL emailed me yesterday saying I should really think about taking a few days off work before my due date–so I can…sit around? I feel like I would just start obsessing over labor symptoms and pick fights with Hubs. Also, who the hell knows when my due date is! I could be sitting around for a week. Me + free time = recipe for “Dr. Google” disaster.

Aside from an asshole that looks like the poster child for “Grape-Fest 2013” and some very mild finger swelling and cankles, I am still enjoying the sensation of being pregnant.Β  I do get a sense that Bagel is less mobile in there–she doesn’t kick me anymore, only stretches and pushes. I love to feel her push and hiccup…I think I will miss this the most about being pregnant. It will certainly feel odd not to sense her every move inside of me once she is born.

I guess right now, I’m just trying to savor every moment of my pregnancy and enjoy it…there is a whole new experience coming at me soon…


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

23 responses »

  1. So…hemorrhoids, I wasn’t prone to them pre-pregnancy but definitely got them during pregnancy and they stuck around for quite a while postpartum…and I never found any solution to them whatsoever. I tried everything. Labor pushes them WAY out and you’ll have some massive roids for awhile…I would say around 4 months postpartum they had FINALLY shrunk down to a more sensible size. Now a year later I still have tiny ones and like I said I’d never had them pre-pregnancy, SUCKS ASS. Sorry I don’t have a great solution for you! Just wanted you to know you’re not alone =) They were honestly what made sitting so uncomfortable after the birth as if you’re relatively trauma free the lady bits heal quickly, the roids…not so much.

    I had my baby where you are at 38 weeks and I never got that REALLY uncomfortable SO READY TO BE DONE feeling that everyone talks about at the end of pregnancy, so you must be coming up on it, it must happen after 38 weeks πŸ˜‰

    Good luck, you’ve made it to the end, enjoy the last few days/weeks before baby comes!

    • Thanks for the sympathy, Jes! I will continue to give everyone “Roid Watch 2013” updates on the status of the roids after birth. Argh!

  2. oh my MIL talks of her grape hemorrhoids after pushing a 10lb baby out. no fun at all. I am glad you are not miserable yet. I think the misery sets in a week past your due date. hope you dont get there. its awesome you can enjoy your pregnancy and I hope people stop harassing you about still being preggers. my advice… sleep sleep sleep if you love sleep. otherwise party on!

    • Alas, sleep and I never have mixed well–hoping that maybe that will help ease me into nightly feedings! (I rarely sleep more than 3-4 hours straight as it is…I know… weird!)

      • hah awesome. You will LOVE the first few months! (well,you will love it because you will love your daughter) but you’re going to kick ass at the first few months, how about that?

  3. I agree – party on! πŸ™‚ If you feel good, you’re ahead of the curve. No reason not to work or hang out or whatever. Go you!! I hope I feel the same at 38 weeks, but my back is already screaming at me (sigh). I have no advice on the roids, but someone will! Good luck! p.s. You have a doula, right? I wonder how that’s going??

    • The doula is going great! She is ready to come at a moment’s notice, basically whenever labor kicks in and I need her to help me manage the pain she will come to the house and then follow us to the hospital.

  4. You had me laughing so hard through this post Such good analogies! I hope the next few weeks go fast for you and that baby is here soon!

  5. I remember the night after the babies were born and I was in the hospital. I had asked the nurse to take care of Apple in the nursery so I could get 5 hours of sleep, and Banana was in the NICU. I felt some gas move around in my abdomen and I put my hand on my belly reflexively, and then suddenly remembered that there were no babies in there anymore! Weird!!!

    If you feel good, enjoy!! Take some naked belly pictures for yourself! I am glad I did at 32 weeks but wish I had done it at 34!

    • I took one naked belly pic about a week ago…oy. I look…big πŸ™‚ But I think I will be happy I have it to look at years down the road. Been meaning to ask you: did you go to the mikvah during your 9th month? I’m toying with the idea, but not sure I really understand the protocol…

  6. I had hemorrhoids from week 20 of pregnancy through the end. NOTHING would get rid of them. And I had never had the ‘roids in my life before week 20. I too was worried that pushing out a baby would aggravate the situation.

    I was right. They got WAY, WAAAAAAY worse through labor / pushing. But the good news? I’m now about 2 1/2 weeks post-partum and they are nearly gone! Witch Hazel Pads and good ol’ Preparation H applied liberally every day since labor, and FINALLY, after 22 weeks, they are all but disappeared. There is hope!

    • Wow–this is good to know that they may eventually go away with some TLC. But yes…I anticipate them to be absolutely enormous after labor. SCARY.

  7. My birth class teacher swears that potatoes help with hemorrhoids. The way she explained it was: “Just cut a raw potato into whatever shape works for you, apply to the affected area, and wait.” I haven’t yet had reason to try it myself (she says knocking furiously on all wooden surfaces in the area), but it might be worth a shot. Then again, the same woman also recommended putting *cayenne* on the potato for particularly bad cases, which, um, holy shit. No thank you. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Or potato wedges. Which do not belong in one’s ass.

    • CAYENNE!!! Holy shit balls, I cannot imagine the searing pain that would produce right now. However, I used my friend Dr. Google just now to confirm your potato report. Your birth class teacher may be right! For external roids, it’s recommended to grate the potato like a hash brown and slap some on for 30 mins or so. I just may try this this weekend.

  8. nonsequiturchica

    Oh no I am dreadfully worried about getting hemorrhoids- they do NOT sound like fun.

    • No fun AT ALL. I wiill say that if you haven’t had them before pregnancy, your odds may be slightly better that you won’t get them during, or they will resolve quicker. I’ve had off and on issues with them my whole adult life, so I know I’m prone to them.

  9. I fear the ‘roids. Ugh. I think I have the beginnings of them but they don’t hurt so I don’t know. Hope you continue to feel good through the next couple weeks.

  10. Congrats that everything is moving forward as it should.

    But, about the hemorrhoids. I am SO sorry. This is literally one of my worst pregnancy fears (silly, I know) and I’m so sorry it’s happening to you. All I can say is…at least it’s not forever?

    • Alas, I’ve had roids off and on for about 10 years, so for me, it just may be “forever”, but I feel like if it’s just a pregnancy thing, they would resolve afterwards and not return. I’ve just always had “issues” with them, and I’m not surprised they’re rearing their ugly head right now. My worst pregnancy fear is tearing during labor, with massive gumball-sized roids coming in a close second πŸ™‚

  11. Oh god… I am so fearful of this. I once had a particularly nasty external ‘roid, which freaked me out. I couldn’t even talk about it with my husband, I was so embarrassed, so we ended up referring to it as my “daffodil” because that word sounds a lot prettier and doesn’t make you think of bum holes when you mention it over dinner. ANYWAY — I downloaded this whole “miracle cure” thingy from the Interwebs and basically the suggestion was to take sits baths with alum. You can get alum at health food stores, I think (it’s the same thing as those crystal rock deodorant sticks that don’t really work). I dunno; I think really it just takes time and trying to stay as regular and hydrated as possible…


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