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Waiting game mind f*#k

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Warning: some negativity about pregnancy will be expressed in the ensuing entry.

I’m beginning to “get it” now. There is a point in pregnancy where your brain shifts from how warm and fuzzy pregnancy is, and how lucky you feel every day to be carrying a child, to a feeling of being trapped in your own body: large, immobile, and on edge. I believe I have reached that point. I’m trying to be calm about it all, but Week 41 of pregnancy is turning into one big mind fuck.

My mucus plug keeps coming out in snotty bits, I will occasionally experience some mild cramping, but mostly, Bagel doesn’t seem like she’s in a hurry to go anywhere. I get frustrated with the lack of labor symptoms every day, and there is only so much I can do anymore to occupy my mind. I am taking sick days from work the rest of this week as I need to shut down there. Thinking I could work up until my due date was great when I secretly thought that I would have Bagel at 39 weeks. Now, at 41 weeks + 4 days, I’m just a beached whale at a computer going through the motions.

There will be a few times during the evening where if I sit the right way I can feel her head butt against my cervix repeatedly. It hurts, but strangely, I like the pain. Bring it on, I say. Bring it the FUCK on.ย  I imagine her head butting her way out of here and finally feeling “not pregnant” with her. Not only do I want to meet my girl, I selfishly am starting to get very very tired of being pregnant. She is fully cooked and ready for the outside world, so it is hard to continue to be her personal incubator. I am also getting peppered with eyebrow raises and “I can’t believe you’re *allowed* to go this long” comments from friends and family. The “allowed” comment really bugs me for some reason. It completely removes any concept of my rights as a patient, and puts everything in the hands of my doctor, as if he is the only voice in the room. For me, personally, induction is a big deal. For others, it might not be, but for me, it’s not something that I take lightly. The fact that I wouldn’t be “allowed” to carry my child (assuming she’s perfectly healthy, which she is) past 41 weeks seems insane to me.

In 1999, there was a Harvard study conducted which put average gestation for first time births at 41 +1 weeks. We’re talking AVERAGE here: that means there are a lot of women who go later than this. I found an interesting blog entry on the study here.

Assuming this study is true, which according to multiple sites, I believe it is, it is absolutely INSANE to me that some docs will not “allow” their patients to go past 41 weeks when there are plenty of ways to ensure that your baby is continuing to thrive past your arbitrary 40 week “due date”.

This being said, it isn’t easy to mentally steel yourself for going past 41 weeks. Inductions are basically the norm if you go past 40 weeks, and it’s tempting to give in when your doc is pressuring you, you’re hearing terms like “old, dysfunctional placenta”, and you want to move on from pregnancy to actual motherhood. Physically, it does get uncomfortable at 41 weeks, and as the title of this post suggests, waiting for labor to start turns into a mind fuck. I find that if I wake up and I don’t feel Bagel moving, I get more panicked now. I feel bad, but in my nervousness about “placental function” I have taken to waking her up by chugging juice and eating something, just to make sure nothing is going wrong. Of course, she starts moving right away and then I feel bad that I’ve caused her to be active again at 3:30AM. Hubs is getting edgy…he hates waiting for a table at a restaurant on a Saturday night. I imagine being given a “due date” of July 21st and now having it be August 1st is sort of like being told your table will be ready in 10ย  minutes…for two weeks.

In other news, the Diflucan did jack shit for me. The yeast infection is back, and now that I’m so close to birth and I’ve lost my plug, the doc wants me just to use a Monistat cream around the outside irritated tissue. I’m very worried about the pain that a yeast infection could cause during birth, not toย  mention the thrush that Bagel could get, and have been trying to drink some apple cider vinegar to treat from the inside, but nothing seems to be working. 9 months. 9 months without a yeast infection, and now I get one I can’t even treat before a watermelon-sized baby comes out of my vagina.

I will continue to keep everyone posted on the progress or lack thereof.

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About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something positive....like a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

16 responses »

  1. Time to bust out Murphy’s Law and go places where you would absolutely hate to go into labor. I.e. church (a random church where you know no one), riding the city bus, going to the movies, a sex shop, a skate park. Hit up a kids movie and be a traumatic experience for a couple dozen youngsters!

    Reply
    • Hahahaha!!!!! Oh god. Please tell me that laughing this hard at a comment will send me into labor.

      Reply
      • I’m going to have to agree with this one. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Also, I had so many raised eyebrows when I said I was waiting till 40/3 to have my c-section for a breech baby. Everyone had an opinion and only a small handful were supportive. I’m sending you all kinds of crazy laboring vibes. I’m also super ready to meet this little Bagel!

      • I feel your pain! I was induced I hope you won’t be. C’mon little bagel it’s time to meet you!

    • Hahah! Love this idea! How about Disneyland??

      Reply
  2. I agree with Murphy’s law!! I was told I was nowhere near labor so I left town (3 hour drive) for the weekend of my due date! And went into labor the next day :). I’m sorry, I know if I went overdue I would definitely have gotten antsy too. On the plus side….you will not be one of those who mourns the pregnancy! You are more than ready to be done. And omg….a yeast infection at this point sounds terrifying!!! Hope something helps!!

    Reply
  3. Sorry you’re still preggers =( did you try the cohosh? Eat a ton of yogurt (with no sugar) should help with that yeast infection!

    Reply
    • My doula is emailing me a homeopathic regimen which I will start tomorrow and saturday. I think it might be cohosh. If still nothing, its castor oil on monday!

      Reply
  4. I feel for you, been there, done that. It’s no fun. I tried the Murphy’s Law thing, went to a restaurant for dinner an hour from home – nuthin’. I was 10 days over in a heat wave. My poor husband – didn’t know what to do to help me. He went to a movie on his own to give me some space, but it had a scary scene about an alien baby so he took that as an omen and came home early – still nuthin’. When I finally went into labour, my mom called and I didn’t tell her the baby was coming because I thought if she headed to my place it would jinx it and everything would stop. PS – I finally went into labour on my own and it went quickly, six hours later my daughter was born. Good luck !

    Reply
  5. Oh lord, this can not be fun for you… I’m SURE she’ll come sooner rather than later, just give it a few more days! Re: the yeast infection, I battled those big time for years and eventually they kind of just went away. Here is what I’d suggest if you can’t take Diflucan:

    – This sounds nasty, but if you dip a tampon in plain yogurt (the full fat kind that’s loaded with probiotics), then stick ‘er up there, it not only helps cool things down but the good bacteria will start to outnumber the bad.

    – And this sounds just plain stupid, but I’d suggest just being hyper vigilant about cleaning out your innards with plain water and your finger, reaching as high up as you can. The more you can help your vajizza start from scratch, the better.

    Once you’re not preggo anymore, I also think oil of oregano (taken orally!!!!) helps in a big way. Just a couple drops each day does wonders.

    Reply
  6. I think you are perfectly sane for wanting to go into labor naturally. There are many benefits to having and overcooked baby in there, like breastfeeding! you have a better chance of that working out.it is amazing how much they can mature in those last few weeks. My 37 week baby didn’t catch on to breastfeeding nearly as well as my best friend’s baby who was almost 42 weeks. She was a pro.
    having said that I can imagine how you must be feeling. Being 37 weeks pregnant was very hard for me.I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you are so close. Only days now I am sure. Hang in there.

    Reply
  7. Oh honey I am so sorry you’ve reached “that place” where being pregnant is no longer tolerable. Sounds like a mental and physical trap. But, either way, this WILL be over soon and it will be ok. I really like how you pointed out that 41 weeks is the average. So important for us all to remember. By that standard, you’re not over-due. You’re just due any freaking MINUTE.

    Reply

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