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What do I do with her?

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So…now what?

I am finding myself getting increasingly bored and restless with the wake/feed/shit/repeat schedule we’re on, and I feel guilty in a way…like I’m not providing enough stimulation for her.  Anyone know any cool newborn games? Or do they basically just sleep, shit, and scream?

I think part of the problem has been that I just today finally figured how to Boba wrap her. This baby oragami with the wrap had me quite intimidated, and I had been putting off learning how to do it. Today was my breaking point, as she has been throwing some fits after being fed, and hates being put in her rocker or her chair. She was also screaming while being held, so I had run out of options and was literally couch bound holding a screaming baby, unless I wanted to put her in her chair and have her scream there. Today I studied up on the Boba wrap, crossed my fingers, and put her in it when she was half asleep. No cries! She slept on my chest wrapped up for another hour at least, until it was time for another feed. Meanwhile, I could walk around with her and get stuff done.

I’m typing this with her in the wrap again. She had just been fed and screamed bloody murder when I put her in it, but has since calmed down, and gone to sleep on my chest again. I am drinking a Newcastle to celebrate. I don’t think she’s wrapped up as well this time (she’s sort of slumped in a side sleeping position), but at this point, I don’t want to disturb her. Resisting the urge to google “permanent damage from wrapping baby the wrong way in Boba.”

Anyone else had a kid who initially screamed when put in the wrap, but then calmed down? I feel sort of bad that she seemed to initially hate the wrap. Anyone else have a newborn who, at two weeks started fussing unbelievably? She was a model one week old, and then now at two weeks, the kid either eats, shits, or cries when she’s awake. I initially thought it might be gas, and maybe it is, but the difference between week one and week two has been remarkable, and there has been no changes in my diet or her formula.

The last two weeks have also been a test on my relationship with Hubs. Any sort of physical intimacy has been off the table, and I find that our conversations revolve almost entirely on how much Shira has eaten, what her shit looks like, and handing her off to one another so the other can sleep or jerk off in the guest room (take a guess who does what?) Our lack of sexual intimacy has been frustrating for Hubs…he logically understands that it cannot happen right now, but it is still hard nonetheless (pun intended). I have the sex drive of a lobotomized asexual right now, and to make matters worse, my clitoris feels bruised (TMI?). It has felt this way since after the birth…anyone else experience this? I am trying not to freak out that this is a permanent side effect of birthing a 7.5 pounder out of my vag. I totally miss my old vagina and my old sex drive. The stitches are healing, but I took a look down there a few days ago and realized that whatever stitching was done has altered the look of my vagina somewhat. It’s nothing that looks bad, but I can tell the difference.

I’m sure all of this is temporary, but the first two weeks have been a big shock to the system…


About Sunny

I'm a happily married, 31 year old gal who is just starting her journey to conceive. I also have ovaries that may need a jump start. This blog is an attempt to channel my obsessive research on my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome into something a pregnancy test. That would be awesome. I also hope that other women with this condition will find support in this blog. There are a lot of us out here! Happy reading, whatever your journey may be.

16 responses »

  1. Two weeks and he’s already off in the other room taking care of business! I mean … really you are supposed to wait around 6 weeks, so, that’s going to be a fun 4 more weeks for him… You just pushed a human being out of there. A whole human being. Holy moly. Also, the conversations will improve when 1) you get more consecutive sleep, and 2) the baby does something other than eat poop cry. She WILL do something other than that. But for now, that’s what she does, and since that’s all you do all day, that’s really all there is to talk about. Unless you manage to watch some tv over the crying (we did that sometimes).

    I also kind of didn’t know what to do with the babies besides try to get them to sleep when they weren’t eating or pooping. So that’s what they do. Some people like to take long walks – I did this a lot, because the babies slept consistently when I was pushing them in the stroller. I took 2 hour walks almost every day. Crazy. But I met up with some moms sometimes, or listened to music or podcasts, or whatever. Sometimes, when they were really asleep after a good amount of walking, I could walk myself into a cafe and have something to eat, then leave, all without them waking up!

    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. Robin speaks the truth. Def get out of the house – take her to get groceries (wear her), go to Target, go for a walk, go to Starbucks…these are the times when she will sleep through it all, so take advantage. As for things to do with her – just talk to her, sing to her, touch her, count her toes, tickle her feet, and expect her not to understand any of it yet. 🙂 But your voice, smell, and arms are all comforting. Keep practicing wearing her until she gets used to it and swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. Another thing that became my lifeline was joining a new moms group. Mine was through a family network in a neighboring town, but funded by Jewish Family Services. Definitely google and see if there is one nearby. It is an excuse to get out of the house and it is SO NICE to actually be with other women who are going through the exact same thing. Love you!

  3. Don’t be surprised if your libido is nonexistent for a while… Breasteeding / pumping will do that to ya.

  4. YES. Isn’t it terrible when you realise that babies are actually kind of boring, no matter how much you love them? I think the trick is trying to find a balance between what she needs and what you need too – so make sure to try and fit in those walks (babes love the stimulation of a park, but maybe two weeks is a bit soon). As for sex I have a five month old and… yeah. Breastfeeding is a killer for that even once your bits feel less butchered.

    As for wrapping, I swear by these things:

  5. Also, nobody told me that not only does breastfeeding kill libido, but it also makes things rather “dry.” 😦

  6. Agree with everyone, newborns are BORING! But I highly suggest getting out of the house like others have said, wrap that baby on your chest and just go somewhere…anywhere. And take advantage of that now because once your baby is about 4 months they won’t just sleep in your wrap anymore and you’ll start having to plan your day around baby naps.
    And as to baby hating the wrap, YES, Jett despised it at first but then grew to LOVE it, mama too, I really hated it then I loved it. It was my best friend until he was 6 months old =)
    And sex, really? At 2 weeks postpartum? We didn’t have sex until 4 months postpartum…and then not again after that for another month…and things have only started to improve at ONE YEAR to the point where we have sex once every 2 weeks or so. Sorry, lactating kills the libido unfortunately.
    And finally, screaming baby? I always suggest cutting out dairy and see what happens because that’s what happened to me. My baby just started screaming at me any time he wasn’t asleep and it turned out to be a dairy allergy, so give it a whirl if you’re up for it, saved my sanity!

  7. I know.. it feels like TOTAL NEGLECT to just leave a baby staring at the birdies hanging from the snuggabunny bouncer for 30 minutes. I totally empathize. Been there. Like OMG JUST DO SOMETHING BABY. When can I “do” something with you? Just letting you lie on the boppie just makes me feel like a horrible mother.. if I”m not singing to you, reading to you, or talking to you… clearly it’s neglect.

  8. Oh my goodness honey. Take it easy on yourself. You are two weeks in and it takes a lot of time to get back to a normal place.
    First – yes mine had a very hard time getting used to the Moby wrap. He would cry like hell until he became tired or comfortable. The babies all go through a tough period where they seem to hate everything and you can’t do much for them besides hold them. Its hard. You and hubby will just have to support each other and plow through. I won’t tell you it is a short period of time but that it will pass.
    My son also had a lot of digestive troubles until about 4-5 months. Its a total baby thing. Just remember that they are getting used to so much right now. Light, sounds, eating, etc. Its overwhelming and the only way for them to express any of it is to cry. Its hard on the parents so if you need to put your baby down and takes couple minutes to destress…do it. Try gripe water, gas drops, swaddle, and carry.
    As for intimacy? Please don’t stress about that right now. I had no urge for three months and then when I was with my hubby, it hurt so I told him I needed more time. You have to talk to him and just be clear and honest that this time is for your baby and for you to heal. It takes longer than you think. 6 weeks is not enough time in my opinion. I am sure your hubby got plenty as you were trying to conceive, he can give you a break.
    Just keep doing your mommy duties even if it feels like your baby hates you (that is how I felt). Do things for yourself when you can and get out of the house!

  9. Our newborn days were filled with lots of reading. Baby sleeping on me, me reading. Mind you it was also winter and freezing so not much else to do! If it is warm and nice out try getting out with the baby, strap her on or pop her in the stroller, take lots of walks, go for lots of coffee dates. She always surprised me and was much more agreeable while out than I ever expected.
    As to the intimacy, I was lucky and once I was getting some sleep it came back. I would say at 4-5 weeks I was ready to go. Unfortunately, as I go through more exhausting times (nursing a 6+ month old takes its toll!) I find my sex drive dips. More sleep = more sex so tell your hubby if he wants to get any to pick up his socks and give you some good baby free sleep time!

  10. My sex drive took a huge hit too not to mention i was scared it would hurt! So we didnt get back to it until 11 weeks pp. And SLLLOOOOOWWWLLLYYY. Meeting up with other moms is good if you can because they will understand if you have to breastfeed orits just not working out and you have to bail.

  11. I agree with everyone above. Newborns are boring. I did a lot of sleeping, bumming around the house, and eating when I wasn’t sleeping. I essentially lived life like a newborn. I think my life stemmed partially from being terrified to leave the house by myself with a newborn. They email you an activity to do every day with your baby. You can start even now. Of course, most activities take all of five seconds and then you’re left with the same boring newborn times, haha. It gets better when they start staying up for an hour or so at a time.

    Your husband presumably has two hands and some lube. Intimacy will come back, but sure as hell not at two weeks. Clitoris pain may linger for a while, but as I’m a first timer and 11 weeks postpartum, I can’t really attest to the permanacy of these things. I still have perineal aches from time to time from my tear (1st degree).

    Good luck with the wrap. Willow likes to be wrapped, but quickly gets too hot (I live in the humid south) and screams her head off.

    I think two weeks is one of the many growth spurts to come. It’s pretty normal to eat, shit, sleep, and scream at her age. Sorry!

  12. Some babies have an intense need to suck. Will she take a paci? This is where it would make life easier for you if you could get her back to the breast. I really think an IBCLC could help you, and insurance covers it now. If not, try the pacifier. Fussiness is unfortunately par for the newborn course and peaks at 6 weeks. The good news for you is that it’s 6 weeks from your due date, so you may get relief sooner. Here is something I wish someone had told me when I was a brand new mom: as soon as you think you have your baby figured out, things will change. Good sleeper? Enjoy it while it lasts. Bad sleeper? Wait it out. Etc, etc. these creatures keep us on our toes, and the sooner we learn to go with the flow and not worry about what she is/isn’t doing now that she did last week or will/won’t do next week, the less stressful it becomes. Babywearing international has some safety tips on wearing babies. Basically you want baby close enough to kiss and with no airway abstruction, but read online for all the “rules”. Glad you are finding your groove!

  13. First of all, I have no real advice because I have no idea what to do with a baby. Really. No idea. But, I would imagine that everything you’re feeling is so totally normal. I’m glad you put it out there honestly and openly. I hope you keep blogging so honestly because I wish more women would. I like one person’s suggestion of getting out more, but I also like the idea of sitting and reading with the baby sleeping on me. Sounds nice.

    And about the sex….again, thank you for being so honest. I wouldn’t worry about hubby “taking care of himself,” but I would tell him to get real if you’re feeling pressured to get in the mood for him. Seriously, we’ve hardly had any sex at all since 20 weeks (major scary episode happened) and when we do, it’s bland and boring. We’ve already been talking about how it may be a long time after the birth to get started up again. I already know I’ll probably be terrified of the pain and not in the mood at all. Maybe buy him some good porn??

    • I keep remembering your posts I read previously and then coming back to them…

      First of all, I still have NO idea what to do with a baby. I feel like he spends his whole life either eating my breasts (yes, Zombie-style), fussing, or sleeping in the Mamaroo. When he’s sleeping in the Mamaroo I feel guilty. When he’s doing anything else, I wish he was sleeping in the damn Mamaroo.

      • Oh. And my clitoris is totally sore. What IS that? I may never have sex again.

      • LOL! I love reading your comments as you find these posts. Fear not, bloggie friend, the clitoris does heal, although it feels like it will stay sore forever. My sex drive is still in the shitter, though 😦

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