Hey all (and by *all*, I mean the three of you that still read this blog!), I’m sorry I haven’t written in such a long time. It hasn’t been intentional…in fact, truth be told, I haven’t thought about writing until this morning at 4AM when my bleary, sleep deprived shell had a moment and realized that it had been a couple of weeks since I had posted last.
Shira turned 7 weeks over the weekend.
Truthfully, it’s been tough. I’m incredibly exhausted…the likes of which I have never known. It’s a deep exhaustion that comes from basically 3 hour spurts of sleep twice a night, going on 8 weeks. Shira is a very. very demanding baby. I know that all babies are demanding, but seriously guys…this girl does not stop for a second unless she’s sleeping. Her legs are always kicking, her arms are always flitting around, she squirms (will not sit still in my lap, doesn’t like to be cradled for long, HATES carriers…I’ve tried and tried with the carriers, and she will scream and/or push her legs up like she wants to stand and get frustrated when she can’t), screams (and I mean, screams like I’m torturing her) at every. single. diaper change until the diaper comes off, in which case she laughs, smiles, and coos, and “talks” to me in the most adorable baby babble. And when she’s done smiling and babbling, she goes back to screaming. I don’t think it’s a digestive issue, as she eats fine, has minimal gas, rarely if ever spits up, and goes to sleep right after eating during her night feeds. It’s our days that are just…well….non stop. I can’t leave her in her chair for more than 10 minutes before she starts screaming to be moved on to the next thing (stroller, play mat, bouncing…) Life has been a cycle of moving around my living room to different activities, taking a walk around the neighborhood for a change of scenery, sleeping, changing, eating. Our Mommy and Me class on Wednesdays breaks up the day, and I’d like to do more stuff outside the house/neighborhood, but I’m so FUCKING TIRED that the effort it takes to pack up everything, make plans, get her in the car, and go somewhere seems daunting. This sounds horrible, but she sleeps in the car rides sometimes, and I get sad because I’m missing out on a time when I could be napping because I’m driving us somewhere.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
The good news is, she sleeps very well at night (knocking on every piece of wood in my house right now…) She takes small cat naps during the day that last anywhere from 20 mins to an hour, and then has a nuclear meltdown every night around 6PM. We give her a bath (which she LOVES–shuts her right up!) and then swaddle and diaper her (cue: SCREAMS), get a bottle (likes), and then passes out around 7:30ish and sleeps for 6-7 hours. I know this sounds amazing, and like I should be getting more sleep, but there’s no way I can go to bed at 7:30 with her every night! Hubs and I have a precious few hours alone together, clean up the war zone we call “home” which has been filled with blankets, toys, and dishes from throughout the day, go to bed, and I’m up for a 12 or 1AM feed. Or I’m pumping. Always pumping…
Does it get better? Am I doing enough to keep her stimulated? Not too stimulated? Our days and weeks are seriously blending together…I had no clue what day it was today.
I’m told it gets easier…it’s hard to believe this, but I’m hoping it does. Thank God my mom can come in and help us a couple times this week…even 3 hours once a week takes the edge off sometimes.
Shira is up from her 20 minute nap now, and the screaming will cue up soon.
Try again. And again. And again.
I waited to put her in this time until after she was fed, changed, and basically passed out in her stroller. She fussed for about 1 minute, and then I spent 10 minutes walking her up and down my front yard outside (as suggested!) It’s literally about 104 degrees here today, so I can’t be outside with her in the wrap for very long, but she fell asleep in it, and has remained in it for a good 20 minutes! A record!
I’m still not 100% confident that she will always be this good, but we’ll keep trying.
This entry is rushed. Shira may be sleeping for 10 minutes now, so I figure now is a good time to update. I feel like I’m running a marathon that never ends. Every day is blending into the next, and it’s tough to keep up. Shira is a doll. Seriously, I love her to bits, but she is getting to be more and more demanding as she hits 5 weeks (tomorrow). Something about this week has made her cranky and clingy. The Wonder Weeks talks about this developmental milestone having these symptoms, and I’m hoping it’s a phase .Shira has never been a particularly calm child, but this past week she has had two modes: “Passed the Fuck Out” or “Screaming Bloody Murder”. She will tolerate her play mat or changing table for a good 5 minutes before screaming to be held again, and her poor little arms and legs are a bit spastic which agitates her to no end.
This is us at any given moment during the day when she decides to have a food coma and will not tolerate being put down to sleep:
I have been trying to find a carrier she will tolerate, but every single time I try one (the Ergo was the latest adventure) she screams like I’m torturing her. She ONLY wants to be held, or sleeps in her rocker, stroller, and/or the Co-sleeper, or splashes around in the tub (she LOVES bath time, and sometimes I wish I could just keep her in the tub for hours). By 7PM she has fritzed out, and gets seriously cranky. She then passes out for a good 6-7 hours (I know, I’m lucky) wakes, feeds, sleeps another two hours, wakes, feeds, sleeps another two hours, and then our day begins again at about 7AM. She sleeps maybe 2-3 hours total during the day in little nap spurts of 15 minutes. I don’t know what “normal” is, but it is certainly exhausting to do the daily routine of consolling her, feeding her, changing her, and listening to her scream. That being said, there is a calm during the storm each day where she looks at me intensely and breaks into HUGE smiles which make me flip out and love her even more.
I found that I was barely getting out of the house at all so I forced myself to join a mommy group once a week. My first class was on Wednesday and it was SO NICE to be around other moms going through similar things. I was terrified of driving with Shira by myself, but we made it, and Shira was on her best behavior (only had one melt down in class which was remedied by a ready bottle of breast milk and a nap on me).
This girl is intense. But so damn lovable.