Hey all (and by *all*, I mean the three of you that still read this blog!), I’m sorry I haven’t written in such a long time. It hasn’t been intentional…in fact, truth be told, I haven’t thought about writing until this morning at 4AM when my bleary, sleep deprived shell had a moment and realized that it had been a couple of weeks since I had posted last.
Shira turned 7 weeks over the weekend.
Truthfully, it’s been tough. I’m incredibly exhausted…the likes of which I have never known. It’s a deep exhaustion that comes from basically 3 hour spurts of sleep twice a night, going on 8 weeks. Shira is a very. very demanding baby. I know that all babies are demanding, but seriously guys…this girl does not stop for a second unless she’s sleeping. Her legs are always kicking, her arms are always flitting around, she squirms (will not sit still in my lap, doesn’t like to be cradled for long, HATES carriers…I’ve tried and tried with the carriers, and she will scream and/or push her legs up like she wants to stand and get frustrated when she can’t), screams (and I mean, screams like I’m torturing her) at every. single. diaper change until the diaper comes off, in which case she laughs, smiles, and coos, and “talks” to me in the most adorable baby babble. And when she’s done smiling and babbling, she goes back to screaming. I don’t think it’s a digestive issue, as she eats fine, has minimal gas, rarely if ever spits up, and goes to sleep right after eating during her night feeds. It’s our days that are just…well….non stop. I can’t leave her in her chair for more than 10 minutes before she starts screaming to be moved on to the next thing (stroller, play mat, bouncing…) Life has been a cycle of moving around my living room to different activities, taking a walk around the neighborhood for a change of scenery, sleeping, changing, eating. Our Mommy and Me class on Wednesdays breaks up the day, and I’d like to do more stuff outside the house/neighborhood, but I’m so FUCKING TIRED that the effort it takes to pack up everything, make plans, get her in the car, and go somewhere seems daunting. This sounds horrible, but she sleeps in the car rides sometimes, and I get sad because I’m missing out on a time when I could be napping because I’m driving us somewhere.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
The good news is, she sleeps very well at night (knocking on every piece of wood in my house right now…) She takes small cat naps during the day that last anywhere from 20 mins to an hour, and then has a nuclear meltdown every night around 6PM. We give her a bath (which she LOVES–shuts her right up!) and then swaddle and diaper her (cue: SCREAMS), get a bottle (likes), and then passes out around 7:30ish and sleeps for 6-7 hours. I know this sounds amazing, and like I should be getting more sleep, but there’s no way I can go to bed at 7:30 with her every night! Hubs and I have a precious few hours alone together, clean up the war zone we call “home” which has been filled with blankets, toys, and dishes from throughout the day, go to bed, and I’m up for a 12 or 1AM feed. Or I’m pumping. Always pumping…
Does it get better? Am I doing enough to keep her stimulated? Not too stimulated? Our days and weeks are seriously blending together…I had no clue what day it was today.
I’m told it gets easier…it’s hard to believe this, but I’m hoping it does. Thank God my mom can come in and help us a couple times this week…even 3 hours once a week takes the edge off sometimes.
Shira is up from her 20 minute nap now, and the screaming will cue up soon.