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Progesterone Results are in.

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My phone rang this afternoon around 2PM. It was Dr. Sparkles’ office calling me with the results of my progesterone test. I picked up IMMEDIATELY of course. Except when I picked up the phone, the nice “nurse” on the other end of the line identified herself as….Dr. Sparkles herself.

This is where my heart sank. A doctor calling with lab results didn’t seem like a good thing. At all.

Me: “Oh God…What the FUCK is wrong with my blood results Dr. Sparkles???!!!!”

(okay, I didn’t really say that. But I was thinking that.)

Let’s start again:

Me: (voice up twenty three octaves) Oh, hiiiiiiii Dr. Sparkles…

DS: Hi Sunny…well…I just wanted to call to let you know your lab results came back in from the progesterone test this morning…

Me: (ohfuckohhfuckohfuck) Yeeeeees?

DS: So, anything above 3 indicates you ovulated, and anything above 10 indicates a good ovulation…

Me: (shitfuckdamnmotherfuckerjustpullthebandaidoffquicklybitch) Mmhmmm??

DS: And I’m happy to report that your levels were at 18! So congrats!! You had a great ovulation this month. I hope that this cycle works like a charm, blahblahblah…

You get the picture.

I hung up the phone and exhaled and flopped into my chair, relieved, yet shaken. Seriously gals, after being *this close* to loosing it over the phone about a freaking progesterone test, I don’t know how you all do it with issues that trump this shitty little test by, like, ten billion ovaries. You have all become my heroes overnight. Not like you weren’t already, but holy god, you women are strong, strong, amazing people. I encourage each and every one of you, regardless of how far you’ve come in this process to look in the mirror and tell yourselves you rock.

Because you do.

And now, back to rocking back and forth and going all Gollum on my uterus.

We wants the egg to implant, my Precious.