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Best Damn Wheat/Dairy/Sugar Free Banana Bread EVER.

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Well gluten free sisters…you may want to put a bib and a handywipe on your sensitive intestines for this one, because let me tell you: once you sample this banana bread, even REAL banana bread won’t cut it anymore. (Ok, that’s sort of lie because I have a recipe for the most fabulous “normal intestined people” banana bread ever, but this one comes in a VERY close second.)

In a perfect world, I wouldn’t be gluten or dairy free, as I loves me some mac and cheese (unfortunately, the explosive diarrhea I get after eating it indicates my body thinks otherwise.) Also, with PCOS, it’s best to stay away from it for now until I can figure out a way to knock myself up (although Honey Boo Boo’s mom had 4 kids by the time she was 32 and lives off a diet of funnel cakes, cheezy balls, and tater tots, so yeah.) Anyway, my point is: although all of this clean living stuff has made my body feel so much better, I am never going to get into the taste of kale, and most gluten free bread products taste like crap.

So I took matters into my own hands, and damnit. I’m proud of this banana bread. So proud that I completely forgot to take pics of the last loaf I made.

The recipe was inspired by a recipe I found on Mudspice, however I significantly modified it based on a few tricks I’ve learned about cooking banana bread over the years, and based on the fact that I didn’t want to use refined sugar or any butter/dairy. As I mentioned, I had a fabulous recipe I was using that wasn’t gluten free, so I used some of the same tactics for making THAT banana bread, and applied it to gluten free.

On the “fussy to make” scale it’s about a 5 or 6, in that it requires three bowls, a beater and an “alternating wet and dry ingredients” mixing technique at the end. You also should not eat this until the following day, as the flavors need time to “mellow”, and the bread needs to chillax and settle. Patience, grasshopper.

Ingredients:

1 cup brown rice flour

2/3 cup chickpea flour

1/3 cup tapioca flour

1tsp baking powder

pinch of salt

3 very ripe bananas frozen, thawed, and peeled (the bananas will look almost black. Do not be afraid.)

1/4 cup plus 1/8 cup blue agave

1/2 cup canola oil

2 eggs

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 cup soy creamer (you may be able to substitute a non-soy based creamer, although I’ve never tried it)

1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350.

Dry mixture: Mix all of the flour, baking powder, and salt together in a medium bowl.

Wet mixture: In a separate bowl, combine the agave and the oil. Beat on high until mixture has a creamy pale yellow texture.
Add the eggs and beat again until everything is mixed.

In another bowl, peel the bananas and drain any excess liquid they may have released from the thaw. Mash them up good,  and stir in the 1 tsp of baking soda. Add this to the wet mixture and stir.

Add about 1/3 the dry mixture into the wet mixture, stir completely. The add about 1/4 cup of the soy creamer. Stir. Alternate with 1/3 dry mix, stir, then the last of the soy creamer, stir, then add the last of the dry mixture and stir.

Stir in walnuts.

Grease a bread pan with baking grease of your choice (I use PAM which is not au natural, but it’s because I’m lazy.)

Pour mixture into pan and bake for 40-45 minutes. Bread will be golden brown on top, and firm to touch. Knife will come out clean. In my oven, 42 minutes is the perfect baking time for this bread.

Let cool for 5 minutes, and then remove from the pan and set on cooling rack. After a couple of hours (once there is no more steam emanating from it), wrap tightly in plastic wrap and pop it in the fridge. Cut the next morning, and serve. This bread is moist, non crumbly, and absolutely delicious!

President Polk Would Have Hated Facebook.

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Let’s be honest, I’m mostly happy it’s President’s Day because I don’t have to work. But I’m also happy because I found this kick ass list on the internet listing every medical condition that each president of the United States had!

It’s a treasure trove of info.

Key learnings: lots of anxiety and depression amongst our former presidents, along with quite a few cases of constipation and hemorrhoids.

Did you know that President Polk was classified as sterile?  It puts things in perspective to think that Polk and his wife Sarah were probably being told to “just relax” too when it came to kids. It’s hard to say if the infertility issues they had stemmed from her or him (he had an operation for a urinary stone when he was 17 which may have left him sterile, but there were no medical tests back then to conclude anything.)

I found a pic of them taken at the 27th baby shower they attended as a couple:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday was an extremely productive day, which makes me happy since I fluctuate between extreme laziness to hyper productivity at any given moment.  Hubs has been very busy finishing his dissertation, so I was left to roam the streets of LA wild and free. In my single days, this would have involved tequila shots, but yesterday this meant I paid two visits to the Land of the Fertile (and came out unscathed!) I then bought and built our generic looking Besta Vassbo cabinet (which we’re using for laundry supplies) and it (surprisingly) kicks ass!! I only said 32 expletives while building it. I broke one screw trying to tighten something which caused a HUGE expletive because I thought I had to go back to the Land of the Fertile and get another replacement part. Three times at IKEA in one weekend would have been too much for me to handle. Fortunately, I was able to salvage things.

I wish I had a before picture when all of our laundry supplies were hanging out on the floor and clothes were everywhere, but here is the “after”!

Where’s all of our messy detergent and dirty laundry?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cripes! I dunno….Maybe they’re…IN HERE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BOOSH.

To top that off, my carb cravings have become too insane to handle due to this gluten free crap, so I took matters into my own hands and learned how to make gluten free bread.

SHABAM!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did I mention it actually tastes good, and looks like sliced bread?

SHAKALAKAAAA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I can relax today with some gluten free toast, sip a morning coffee, and do some Paint by Number later on. All in all, it’s been a great weekend. Happy President’s Day!