You know that feeling of being constipated? That uncomfortable, full, bloaty feeling where you just want to curl into a ball in bed and not let anyone touch you? And then, one miraculous day, you find some magic prune juice. And you drink this juice. And you have the best shit of your life.
This is what the election results felt like last night. Except Obama voters? You were the magic prune juice. And Romney/Ryan? You were that massive turd I got to flush.
My”love all creatures great and small” sister posted this on Facebook afterwards:
“Although I am thrilled to the core at the re-election of our president, and the way in which this election has demonstrated the general progression of our nation, I also have compassion and empathy for the many fellow Americans who are heartbroken over tonights results.”
Really? So, you have compassion for the governors in Florida and Ohio who were doing their best to shut down the votes of minorities by reducing the amount of time early voting polls were open in black and Hispanic districts or threatening to discard absentee ballots which didn’t have some meaningless box filled out? You have compassion for the “heartbroken” who will now have to suffer as they continue to maintain all of their reproductive rights, even if it’s the right to choose not to have an abortion, yet feel like it is their God given duty to tell me what to do with my lady parts, and most certainly would have if they had a chance?
I could go on and freaking on.
I do not have compassion or empathy for these people. I have fear and anxiety that we have to continue to fight these battles with them year after year after year. LEAVE MY VAGINA ALONE! I have enough doctors up in that business. I don’t need some flag waving super mom from Arkansas up there too.
And now I will step off my soapbox and have some decaf coffee.
In other news, I left my credit card at PF Chang’s over the weekend. I realized this immediately, and called PF Chang’s on Sunday letting them know. They had my card “in the safe”, and assured me that I could pick it up any time this week. Phew!
And by “in the safe”, they meant, “with someone else who decided to use my card to go on a Skee Ball spree at Chuck E Cheese.” Fortunately, the fraud department caught these charges immediately. I mean, seriously, thieves, if you’re going to try and pretend to be an infertile, don’t take a card to fucking Chuck E Cheese. We’re on to you, assholes.
Cease And Decyst 
Perfect analogy.
And I’m with you on feeling no sympathy for Republicans. They’ll be ok. Obamacare will get them all the Prozac they need.
Haha!!
AHAHAHAHAHA…. so funny about Chuck E. Cheese. THAT’s how you’re gonna spend free money? Really? At least buy a pair of expensive shoes or something…
And yeah, my other fave is people on Facebook congratulating Americans for doing the right thing and voting for Obama. Sorry, but doing the right thing should be a given. Look at how the rest of the world would have voted if these were their candidates (did you see that poll? No other country gave more than 5% support to Romney). Sigh…
Anyway — relief is definitely the right word. 🙂
I did see those polls, and I work with quite a bit of folks on the international side who were freaking out about Romney winning.
I’ve seen it floating on Facebook, so you probably have, too, but I appreciate the line “We survived 8 years of Bush, you can survive eight years of Obama.” Deal.
One of my fave posts has been a pic of Big Bird smiling at the camera with the heading, “Who’s unemployed now?”
And then I came across this, which undermined my faith in humanity:
http://jezebel.com/5958490/twitter-racists-react-to-that-nigger-getting-reelected/gallery/1?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
Have you seen the one of Big Bird and Romney before his concession speech? Hahahaha. Classic.
http://www.inquisitr.com/390599/big-bird-explains-mitt-romneys-concession-speech/
I can speak for the whole of Europe when I say we totally agree with this relief!!
It’s because you guys are all smarter and better educated than slightly less than half of this country. Thank you for believing!
I know that feeling all too well! But I’ll take my own constipation if it means we get to flush Romney and Ryan.
Yes it’s great that we won. But it is scary that it was even in question and even scarier that we will undoubtedly fight the same exact fight 4 years from now. I look forward to the time when I can choose between two candidates that I trust and respect.
ps I nominated you for the Leibster Award on my last post.
Thank you!! I will check out your Leibster question 🙂
hilarious!
You win for my favorite post of the day. Prune juice? Card fraud at Chuck E Cheese!? You gave me a * much needed * smile!! LOL! thanks a bunch.
Yay! Glad I could be of service.
Word. I second it all. Especially the Chuck E Cheese 🙂
Go Maryland!!!! You guys rocked the vote this year.
I heart you so hard sometimes. And I’m pretty sure there are now multiple states where we can run away together and be wed.
Amen to that. AMEN to THAT!
First of all, I feel lucky. It was close. Closer than it “should” have been.
And, secondly, while I don’t think compassion is the right word for what I feel, I do think your sister is on to something. It can be easy sometimes to judge people for making what we believe to be idiotic decisions, but I don’t think that it’s really all that cut and dry… There are huge areas of the country (hello, I’m from Missouri, take a look at THAT voting map for a laugh – blue in St. Louis, Kansas City and the county where the U of MO is, red everywhere else) where everyone is Republican (and others, obviously, where that’s reversed). It’s not easy to fight through that and make an informed choice about your beliefs. It’s possible, yes, but it’s not easy. I’m not excusing some of the things that the Republican party and its candidates have done and said and supported, but I DO understand many republicans. I consider myself lucky to have been born to two hippies, so it was easy for me to be a liberal, and a borderline socialist at that! So I don’t think it’s fair of me to judge other apples who also didn’t fall from their trees… I don’t understand their beliefs, and the fact that a LOT of people share those beliefs scares the crap out of me, but I respect the fact that people fought hard for something they believed in and failed. It’s like Andrew Shepherd says in The American President, “You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.”
And, thirdly, Chuck E Cheese?!?! I don’t think I thought those even existed anymore!
Good points, Lady. And ones that I can more calmly and rationally hear today. It still makes my blood boil to watch the propaganda that they sling on FOX news, and the blatant racism that went on in this campaign, but I am in CA where we’re all liberal tree huggers so I don’t see the heart and soul of the “other side” very often. I do wish people would educate themselves better than FOX news if they are going to fight for a cause, but I appreciate this comment!